2000-07-17

Faceless

It's funny how you can get caught up in your Internet world, making all these faceless connections. It's funny how you can get yourself so wound up in said facelessness that you find yourself sputtering and flailing in front of your computer in the relative privacy of your office, getting upset over an email or a chatroom "flame war."

I came across the online diary of a girl who's struggling with an eating disorder. Having been on and off that path since the age of 12, I felt compelled to break the "fourth wall," so to speak, and offer my own unsolicited 2 cents. What did I hope to accomplish? I don't know. She came back at me with both barrels, essentially telling me to take a hike and mind my own business, because she knew what she was doing was stupid and I couldn't tell her anything she didn't already tell herself. And she's probably right.

But she went on to say that I was "just" a reader who stumbled in from the Big Bad Internet, and therefore I couldn't genuinely care. And that's where I think she's wrong, and I told her so. It sounds sappy, it sounds trite and ridiculous and affected, but I do think we're all ultimately responsible for one another, and if I come across what it is ultimately a cry for help, I'm sorry, but it becomes my business. Whether it's someone who's just fallen down the stairs or someone who beats up on herself, via a web diary, I am not wired in such a way that I can just blithely walk past and not offer help.

That being said, if my help is refused, then there's nothing else I can do. And it's frustrating, but there it is.

On the subway this morning I saw a little girl wearing one of those clear plastic backpacks. As she was crawling all over her seat, I could see the pack's contents: a juicebox and a sandwich. And I thought of my big ridiculous bike messenger bag with the now-infamous Go-Go's patch, filled with the most seemingly useless crap and I kept going back to this little girl's backpack with the sandwich and the juicebox and I wondered how I ended up with so much shit.

lisamcc at 21:02:33

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