2001-01-27

Grim Bits

Irene spends about three weeks every December in Texas, visiting her mother and helping out with little "projects" that her mother sets aside specifically for Irene's visits home. About a week or so before Irene was due to head down there, she gets a call from her mother: "Well, Irene," she says, "I have a little project for you when you get here."

"Of course you do, Mother. What is it this time?"

"Well, you know Annabelle Jenkins? She's Lee Bilgewater's daughter...an' Lee was my Religion teacher and I just think the world of him...well, Annabelle's just divorced and moved back from Austin, and she's got her a job at the funeral home now. Well, she called me the other night and was asking after you and your sisters, and well, I knew what she was gettin' to, so I just up and said, 'I understand you're at the funeral home now, Annabelle.'

"'Yes, Mrs. Jenkins, I sure am,' she says, 'an' I was lookin' through the file you got here' -- because, you know, I do have a file over there; I got a list of the pallbearers and my floral preferences and things because I don't want you girls to have to worry about none of that when I'm done here, Irene."

"Uh-huh."

"Anyway. Annabelle was looking at my file, and she noticed that I hadn't picked my casket out yet, and she thought it'd be a good idea if I went ahead and got that taken care of, too, because she says it'd be cheaper to do it now because the prices are always goin' up on those things....and, well, I know she needs the sale, and I just think the world of Lee Bilgewater..."

"So what do you need me to do, Mother?"

"I'm GETTIN' to it, Irene! I've got it narrowed down to two choices: the Midnight Silver or the Ruby Silver. Now, I kind of like the Midnight Silver, but Mavis over at the office thinks that might be too masculine. Irene, when you get here I need for you to go over to the funeral home with me and have a look at them, because I just can't decide."

Without missing a beat, Irene said, "Well, Mother, what we ought to do, then, is bring that navy blue suit that you said you wanted to be buried in, and see if that clashes with either of them."

"Now, see -- this is exactly why I wanted to wait until you got down here. You're always thinking ahead like that. I never would've thought of that. It's like Annabelle asked me did I want to be buried with my glasses on, and at first I thought, 'Well, inn'at stupid,' but you know, Irene, those glasses are so much a part of my face that it did start to make a mite of sense there, at that..."

They eventually did decide on the Midnight Silver, as it didn't look too masculine at all, but the choice posed a new problem, and that was the navy blue suit that Irene's mother had thought would look nice.

"I don't know about that navy blue, Irene. Maybe I should find something else?"

"Well, there's that black dress that looks so nice on you..."

"Oh. I don't think I could wear that, could I? I mean, is it appropriate for a lady to be buried in black, Annabelle?"

"Oh, yes ma'am," Annabelle chirped, "Y'all can wear black most anywhere these days."

Recommended Reading: National Academy of Mortuary Science.

lisamcc at 16:33:45

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