1999-12-15

Cheap is as cheap does

My name's Bob, and I'm CHEAP!

"On the Nature of Cheap"

Certainly I have been accused of being "cheap," in all its variant definitions (e.g. "Those platforms make you look wicked cheap," "You only spent 10 dollars on your Secret Santa Swap? That's cheap."). It's a word that looks and sounds exactly like what it is. When slinging it in a derogatory manner, it's harsh, discordant, and if you're really adamant when saying it, there should be a spray of saliva involved, you should be able to stretch it out into two syllables: chee-puh.

I like cheap. Cheap, like anything, has its merits. A cheap guitar, for example, may be able to produce a quality of tone that you just wouldn't be able to get from an expensive one, no matter how many effects pedals you're working with. I personally love that dissonant, buzzing guitar hook from "Goody-Two-Shoes" by Adam Ant. Like it's being played on a crappy old acoustic with a warped neck.

I also like cheap makeup, like the Wet&Wild stuff at the drugstore. I've found that their color selection has improved dramatically over the past few years, and as far as I've been able to tell, Wet&Wild is the only line that carries "mood lipstick." Trashy! Cheap! Fun!

Cheap shoes! Even if they smell bad! Sure you get what you pay for, and Payless shoes have a shelf-life of maybe a month before the soles start to peel from the uppers. In my experience, you buy those kind of shoes for parties or clubbing, anyway. You don't wear your Joan&Davids out if there's a danger of some surly young missy spilling her Long Island Iced Tea on them. Duh.

Really, the only thing that's inexcusable in my book is cheap beer. Consuming it, I mean. The concept of cheap beer is always amusing in a Homer Simpson kind of way...

lisamcc at 09:52:01



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