2005-08-21
Cavalier Bagging
Thus far, I think I've been doing an OK job of 'fessing up to my myriad personality flaws, and addressing them as the time to do so has been right.
There are some, though, that I just don't want to address, because addressing them would mean that they might possibly go away, and I'm still deriving some pleasure from them.
I give you: my very unhealthy preoccupation with the bagging of my groceries.
This has actually gotten WORSE in the years I've been sober. I am obsessed with having all of my groceries properly and evenly distributed. It just absolutely RUINS MY DAY when some surly miscreant in a green smock loads all of the cans in ONE SINGLE PLASTIC BAG, it really does. I'll fume about it for the entire ride home, after - of course - I've redistributed all the groceries such that I can grab six bags at a time and not have to make repeat trips out to the car.
It's gotten so that I bag the groceries myself now. I see one of the sallow, blunt-faced teens assigned to do this very job and I, cheerful-but-to-the-point, say: "That's OKAY. I've GOT IT." All the while I'm thinking: "You'd better fucking believe I've got it, because I know you, and you're the one who puts all my 1 liter bottles of flavored seltzer in the same bag as the gallon of milk. What do I look like, here, THOR?!"
Lately, I've taken it all to a whole new level, by arranging the groceries on the conveyor belt such that I can grab them and put them all in bags in the order that MAKES SENSE to me, and that should make sense to anyone who isn't a HALF-WIT. I was in line, putting things on the belt in this fashion, my ass sticking up out of the cart as I dug through the groceries to make sure that all of the produce was together on the belt, while the houseboy just kind of stood there and shrugged at the guy ringing us up, who looked at me, looked at the groceries, then looked at the houseboy as if to say: "...and you SLEEP with this person?"
I took my place at the end of the conveyor belt, and by God -- I bagged everything the way it's supposed to be bagged. Oh, except the cashier carefully placed the bread and potato chips in one bag and handed it to me.
We walked out of the grocery store, the houseboy and I, and I was positively basking in my triumph over the cavalier bagging at the Stop&Shop. "Well, the guy ringing us up did a good job with that last bag," the houseboy offered.
"Of course he did, because he KNEW that I KNEW what I was doing!"
"No, it's because he knew he was dealing with someone who'd SNAP LIKE A TWIG if stuff didn't get bagged in the exact order it came down the belt."
"Shut up!"
lisamcc at 6:38 p.m.
5 comments so far
beatpoetgrrl
2005-08-21 23:43:27
if it makes you feel better, i do the same thing. and i used to work in a grocery store. AND until today i never considered that it might be weird.
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djarumgurl
2005-08-22 13:54:04
I loved your post today. I don't go so far as to bag my own groceries, but I totally get it. Because, I unload the cart, according to where the items go in the house once I get home...canned goods, freezer, fridge, bathroom, cabinets, etc. And just like beatpoetgrrl, I never thought that I might be weird either. Can we say, anal retentive?
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gimpy old lady
2005-08-22 15:05:08
You know, it don't mean diddly-squat how you arrange your purchases on the belt, because I swear they train those little miscreants to grab the bread and milk and put them in one bag and toss the baked beans on top of the eggs. I've always compared grocery shopping to a serious occasion of mortal sin...
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ashby
2005-08-22 18:41:08
I do the exact same thing. Or at least, I used to. I would arrange the items on the conveyer belt (pre-arranged in the cart, of course) in the order that I will be unpacking it at home. And I swear those bastards will reach over my careful stacks with space in between signifying where the bag ends and a new one begins and pack it their own way. So I started shopping with the pre-bought mesh shopping bags some supermarkets have. Place them between stacks, and voila!
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Todd
2005-08-23 20:39:45
Dude. You're totally scaring me.
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Stumble It!
