2005-08-16

Remade. Regurgitated.

Certain things are sacred, chickens. Certain things ought not be fucked with, yet someone always manages to try and "improve" upon perfection. To wit:

• Reese's peanut butter cups (I don't care what anyone says, that "white chocolate" version is FOUL)
• "Westworld"

A couple of years ago, "they" (I use this pronoun to lump together all them Hollywood types who just keep regurgitating remakes into the collective gaping maw of moviegoers too stupid to demand NEW material) were going to trot out an updated version of "Westworld."

Now here's a property that just doesn't need to be remade, revamped, revisited or reconstituted....for myriad reasons, first and foremost being that there's just nothing -- NOTHING -- more fucking rad than Yul Brynner in the original version.

So "they" wanted to remake this, right, with Schwarzenegger in the Brynner role, because doesn't that make sense? Schwarzenegger played the Terminator! He's got an accent! It's perfect! The problem? Schwarzenegger, while undoubtedly entertaining, isn't one-tenth the performer that Yul Brynner was, and I'm being dead serious here. Brynner's psychotic, relentless, goddamned terrifying robot gunslinger was the prototype, in more ways than one.

Oh, and there's also that pesky issue of Arnold being the governor of California.

No matter! The announcement has been made that "they're" going to carry on with this remake, Schwarzenegger's unavailability be damned! Look how successful this dead horse has been! Technology run amok in an amusement park setting! Man's inability to leave well enough alone!

Can't wait to pick up my "Westworld" bobblehead at Burger King...

lisamcc at 8:26 p.m.

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