2005-03-13

Impersonal defects

I sat in my drunks-who-aren't-drunks-anymore meeting this morning, listening to people talk about humility and how there's a difference between being realistic about shortcomings and perpetually clobbering yourself. Now, this all can get to smacking of real fruity self-help feelgoodery at times, and it's hard for me to turn off my snark for a full hour and try to apply some of this to myself.

I waste a lot of time worrying about the image I put across both here and elsewhere, as opposed to cultivating and maintaining friendships in real time. To be certain, I've met some fantastic people via the internet, but I've also lately become aware of how limited a means of communication this all is. Even with a full panel of "emoticons" at your disposal, the fact of the matter is that people can "read" you any way they choose, and as a result shit gets misinterpreted, people get the "wrong" ideas, and you're suddenly defending yourself against someone who REALLY DOES NOT KNOW YOU AT ALL.

I used to have a "disclaimer" here that basically said: just because you come here regularly and read what I CHOOSE to reveal about myself, doesn't mean you have a complete picture of who I am. Unfortunately, I can't drag that disclaimer around with me everywhere I go.

I had an "encounter" with someone on a message board that I frequent, and it left me with a really bad taste in my mouth, and at the same time made me aware that no matter how carefully I present myself, someone is ALWAYS going to take something I say the wrong way and jump to his or her own conclusions about the type of person I am, and I have no control over that stuff. None.

I sit at a computer all day, and then I come home and sit in front of another computer, visiting the same two or three sites and hitting "refresh" in the anticipation that something "interesting" will happen. It's a rather deadening way to go about doing things, and the ironic thing of course is that the more time I spend engaging in less-than-genuine interactions, the less I have to write about HERE.

Feh. Monstrous piles of feh. I am going to Los Angeles at the end of the month to visit Paula, which I'm all kinds of excited about, even though LA scares me kind of, and I'm also going to miss seeing Rosenberg play with John Doe. BUT, Paula and I are gonna go on some kinda "death tour" thing, to see where the famous bit it over the years, which I'm of course very much looking forward to, being the sick li'l spore that I am, tra-la.

And then this is just the funniest thing I've seen in weeks, and fills me with happiness every time I look at it:

So there's something to be said for the internet after all, sometimes.

lisamcc at 12:41 p.m.

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