2003-01-14

We have a winner....maybe.

Well, a big ol' "Thankee!" to those chickens who weighed in on yesterday's quandary of sorts. It seems you all know me well enough to realize that there really isn't any question of which reality show I'm hitching my wagon to this season.

BUT, there's a third party involved now, and that's "Joe Millionaire." I had no intention of watching this show, until I got an email this morning from my former coworker "Irene": "Oh, please tell me you are tuning in to 'Joe Millionaire'.....what a circus." Now, I have immense, undying respect for Irene, so I began to seriously reconsider my position regarding this program, and THEN I get the following semi-apologetic missive from Paula: "Sadly, I watched some of �Joe Millionaire' last night. I am a shit person."

My response: "Yeah? Ought I drop my plans of being exclusively attached to 'The Surreal Life'?"

"Maybe. I don't know why I get such perverse pleasure out of watching 12 catty trollops ****ing at each other as they try to win this oaf's attention. And they're all so obviously money obsessed....he made the little prisses shovel shit out of horses' stalls and sling coal into a locomotive furnace. The whole premise is so wrong....yet so right."

"Sigh. I don't know. I think I'm such a celebrity whore that 'The Surreal Life' is gonna prove to be more compelling for me. I mean, let's for a moment try and overlook the indefatigable fact that Corey Feldman is involved. There's the disturbingly porcine Vince Neil, who plunged into the sushi-off-a-naked-lady fest the first night with gusto, although it's unclear whether to attribute his zeal to the sushi or to the naked lady. There's Hammer, he of the ubiquitous Christly huge pants, tryin' to bring the word of Gahhhhhhd into the hearts of the heathens. And I don't know what to make of Emmanuel Lewis.

But okay, let's face it: it all comes back to Feldman. He is the undeniable star of this show, whining on the phone to his fiancee with the regularity of Swiss clockwork. Everything freaks him out, everything is a catalyst for a weepy breakdown. He is so utterly pathetic and utterly without emotional armor, like a pink wriggling worm on the sidewalk after a rainstorm. You cannot decide whether to smack him upside the head or give him a hug.

I think I'm avoiding 'Joe Millionaire' because everyone else is gonna watch it. Buck the trend, Paula, buck the trend!"

lisamcc at 4:39 p.m.

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