2000-07-24

The Most Useless One

We have a cat, Whitey. We seldom call her Whitey. unless she's been bad.

Out of curiosity, I started a list of all the names Kev and I called her during the course of the weekend. In no particular order, they are as follows:

Piewackit, The Pie, Pie-Girl, WhiteyPieWackit, Miss Pitti Sing, Sphinxie, SphinxiePieWackit, Fangora (so named because the last time we took her to the vet, she had to have one of her two front fangs pulled), Useless, The Most Useless One, The Most Astonishingly Useless One, Whitischk, WhiteButt, Brick House, Poor Abused & Undernourished WhiteyButt, Prissy Paw Princess-face, and Dumbass.

Is it any wonder the poor thing is as demented as she is? Sometimes I'll catch her writhing around on the foot of the bed, looking so bewildered, caterwauling and trying to rub her ears by herself, and I'll get up in her face and coo, "Awww, poor Whitey...have we done this to you?" She usually responds with a Mercedes McCambridge-esque yowl and contorts herself right off the bed and onto the floor, where she'll immediately start taking a bath as if nothing happened.

lisamcc at 15:58:21

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