2004-01-05

Bad porn copy

I have decided that my true literary calling in life is to write copy for straight-to-DVD porn.

Really, chickens. Have you been to your friendly local smut emporium lately? Paula and I went to visit my sister in the hospital, had a nice dinner, and then I dragged her ass into one of the two remaining "adult entertainment" shoppes in the Area Formerly Known as the Combat Zone.

There is a veritable cornucopia of filthy hilarity to be found by merely perusing the titles, but more astonishing still is the copy on the back of these nice little flicks. Take, for example, the sheer poetry of the accompanying text for "Red Neck Honey Fuckers":

Texas trailer trash tarts get fucked silly for your pleasure!
Alliteration! Wheee! Say the first half of that sentence aloud and see if it doesn't bring a smile to your face!
What we've got for you is some southern bitches getting their asses plowed like their father's fields at harvest time!
This rather begs the question: are these young ladies all of the same Texas trailer trash tart tribe, or can I assume that the writer of this eloquent summary has inadvertently bestowed one man with a full-on bevy of southern bitch daughters (none of whom seem to be named "Essie Sue Mae Kayellen," disappointingly enough, but rather bestowed with singularly dull Generic Porn Names of "Amber" and "Jade") by perhaps not knowing about plural possessive? The mind boggles, chickens.

I predict at least one of two things will happen as the direct result of my uploading this entry:

• I will lose roughly half-a-dozen new readers who will be shocked -- shocked! -- by my gleeful penchant for redlining bad porn copy, although you can't say I didn't warn you.
• I will receive approximately 14-16 hits per day from people Googling the exact phrase "Red Neck Honey Fuckers."

lisamcc at 11:29 p.m.

3 comments so far
scottski
2004-01-06 00:39:44
coprolalia: the crippler of young adults. you write the porn copy, i'll put the music together. there's gotta be a use for this wah-wah pedal....
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telepathy
2004-01-06 17:37:27
> I will receive approximately 14-16 hits > per day from people Googling the exact > phrase "Red Neck Honey Fuckers." how do you think I got here?
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telepathy
2004-01-06 17:38:00
(formatting issues ... a thousand pardons)
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