2003-12-15
Happy Fun Boy!
Well, Scrapple's Annual Christmas Spectacular went off with, er, several hitches, but all in all, it was a pretty good time. Just would've been a little bit more pleasant if this one guy � a friend of a friend, as it turned out � hadn't decided to have a few drinks, followed by an Ecstasy chaser, prior to attending.
As a result of the various chemicals coursing through his veins, he decided to become a part of the show, hollering both inappropriate and roundly unfunny epithets throughout the whole night. For the purposes of anonymity, I shall refer to this charming fellow as Happy Fun Boy.
We took this in stride � we're sort of used to these kind of guerilla theatre antics � until about midway through the performance, when some technical difficulties caused the show to screech to a near-grinding halt. As several folks fussed over the source of said difficulties, Happy Fun Boy leapt to the stage, and took what I'm sure he believed to be his rightful place behind my drumkit.
Now, I'm not the most territorial drummer in the world: having borrowed gear countless times, I'm a firm believer in what I call Drum Karma. I will happily share my kit with other drummers, believing � however naively � that these drummers will respect my gear. Happy Fun Boy, who I was later told plays drums in a couple of bands in town, was beating the thing like it owed him money, and then standing up and shrieking for a "drum tech" because the sheer force of his pummeling was propelling my poor little kit across the width of the stage. Horrified, I threw my next change-of-costume on the floor of the backstage area and hurled myself in front of the kit, wincing as I felt the terrible force of his blows to the kick drum.
Here's where some of you may ask: "Well, come on, Lees � why didn't you just go up and tell him to get the hell off the stage?" Here's the thing: I am 5'4" and 120 pounds. I very likely could have taken Happy Fun Boy, as addled as he was, but you know � I'm not about to fuck with someone on drugs (although, given his choice of mind-altering substances, probably all he would've done was hug me to death). My friend Jonah ran up onstage and asked, "Are you cool with this?"
"No, Jonah. I'm not. Can you please help?"
Jonah � bless him (and if I were to have children I would name ALL of them Jonah, I shit you not) � was able to get Happy Fun Boy out from behind my kit. At this point, I'd sort of hoped he would be asked to leave, but he continued to stay perched on his seat like a demented jaybird, yelping out random witticisms and laughing hysterically, until just about the very end of the performance, when our bass player Roland, unable to take it anymore, pushed the dude out the side door and into a snowbank. Roland and Dave then proceeded to bawl him out for being a jackass, while he lay there on his back and shouted, "But I LOVE YOU!"
It's times like these that I'm extraordinarily grateful that I'm clean and sober. Far be it from me to deny someone their fun, you know? I'm well aware that the majority of the population can drink and use in a wholly recreational fashion, and I don't much like playing "Spot the Addict" because it's really none of my fucking business. But being confronted with someone whose boundaries have been so completely obliterated is a profoundly humbling and horrifying experience.
I was just glad that I wouldn't be waking up in Happy Fun Boy's head the next morning. Been there, done that.
lisamcc at 10:05 a.m.
4 comments so far
Melanie
2003-12-15 13:31:24
"Yeah, but is your *kit* okay?" asks the drummer's wife....
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cubegirl
2003-12-15 16:13:13
holy crap! i can't believe he wasn't escorted outta there. And i'm glad you're ok... but I'm wondering too about those drums!
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Lisa
2003-12-15 16:15:52
Ah, the drums are fine, ladies. No worries. He wasn't *dangerous* -- he was just tweaked out and being an asshole.
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pantypulldwn
2003-12-17 15:16:28
that was too fuckin' funny. lmao! i so understand, i'm 5'1 130lbs. and although i walk a big walk i'm not going to tackle someone who is doped up and drinking, you just got lucky that he didn't hit on you! lol!
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