2000-05-16

Testify!

Been thinking a lot about religion lately, primarily because I'm confronted with it every morning on my way into work, and every evening on my way home. Forest Hills Station has become Ground Zero for every conceivable zealot in the Jamaica Plain/Roslindale area.

Mornings belong to the Jehovah's Witnesses � tidily-dressed, eerily quiet little old ladies standing sentinel on either side of the turnstiles, clutching stacks of the latest issue of The Watchtower and smiling sweetly at me as I pass. I like the Jehovah's Witnesses. Not enough to appear at the local Kingdom Hall ready to testify door-to-door, mind, but they've become part of my morning routine, the nice little old ladies with their Watchtowers. So I was somewhat surprised this morning when I was stopped at the escalator by two sterling examples of Jehovah's Witnesses' Best-n-Brightest, a young couple. The girl, a curly-headed moppet smelling of Herbal Essence and wearing faux-leather mules, thrust a Watchtower in my hands and burbled "Have a Nice Day!" at me as I scurried up the escalator, seriously disturbed that a Jehovah's Witness actually broke through the proverbial fourth wall and attempted to talk to me.

The afternoons are a special show, indeed. A breast-beating, Old-Tyme-Revival� type woman stands in full view of the departing commuters, shrieking at the top of her lungs about how truly evil we all are. Behind her, spread out on a blanket, is a lovely assortment of Chick Tracts, the unintentionally hilarious Reading Material of Choice of the Vehemently Anti-Catholic Sect. She has a terrified-looking assistant with her � a woman who stands about 7 feet away, skittishly handing out even more Chick Tracts. One afternoon, when I was feeling particularly crabby-yet-saucy, I looked at the Skittish Assistant, aghast, and bleated, "Are you INSANE?! Don't hand me that Chick Tract; you might come in contact with my Filthy Catholic Papist Fingers!!!"

One of these days I want my band to hold a Mock Revival at Forest Hills Station. We already do one as part of our live show, and it's truly moving. I can just see us all preaching the Word of Scrapple amongst the pigeons and paper vendors, Jef in his short-sleeved Oxford and clip-on tie yelling "Testify!" at inappropriate moments.

Can I get an "Amen?"

lisamcc at 18:27:44

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