2000-04-26

Evil

Here's a question to ponder on those days when you have not even a threadbare scrap of a work ethic:

I'm afraid of them. I'm so afraid of them that it's become a joke amongst my friends and associates. Linda Bean once gave me an entire bag of these Hell Pellets for my birthday. I was so appalled and horrified that I flung it across the room -- a knee-jerk reaction to having been presented with what may as well have been a steaming turd, so revolted am I by Circus Peanuts. Linda, of course, thought this was hilarious and proceeded to dance around me singing "Happy Birthday" like the little whirling dervish that she is.

Seriously, what is there to enjoy about these things? They have the shape and texture of styrofoam packing peanuts. At their most fresh, they are stale. They adhere to your back molars. No first-rate confectioner worth their weight in soy lecithin would admit to manufacturing them.

They are the stunted spawn of the candy world, and yet someone must buy them. Someone must show genuine glee at being proffered a glowing orange vaguely-peanut-shaped wad of sugar.

Someone must consume these fuckers with gusto, though I can't imagine how or why.

lisamcc at 18:25:18

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