2002-08-27

Meow

Not much to report, again.

So, hey � I went to the gym yesterday, for the first time in eons. Every time I round the corner and head back to my cubicle, I get a good look at myself in the windowed door of Linda's office, which operates very much like a funhouse mirror, compacting my not-very-lithe-to-begin-with form to Weeble-esque proportions. It's office-induced body dysmorphic disorder! Surely I can take this up with Human Resources and issue an interdepartmental order to drape all reflective surfaces in black crepe. I don't think that's asking too much.

Seriously. I went to the gym, and I wasn't nearly as out of shape as I thought I'd be. I go to the YMCA rather than some private "fitness club," because I enjoy the variety of people at the Y. It's a very non-threatening environment: no juice bar, no women in butt-floss working out with a full face of makeup....just a bunch of us potato-shapes sweating and grunting in oversized t-shirts and sweatpants. Solidarity!

Last night we went to see Ad play at TT's, where Shari was tending bar. This recent development � having a boon companion behind the bar of a place where I used to drink my weight in the house whiskey � has been nothing short of miraculous, were I to put stock in such a belief system. She cheerfully made me Shirley Temples ("...and don't be stingy with the motherfucking grenadine, bee-yatch!"), and blew me kisses. Ad, of course, preened and posed in all his mercurial rockstar glory, and Paula and I spent much of the evening ruthlessly analyzing the outfits of every person unfortunate to come within 6 feet of our radar.

"Okay, here's my thing: if you've got short legs and no ass, you do not...do NOT...pair a form-fitting black tank with an extra-wide belt worn at the hips."

"This unholy coupling, in tandem with a white skirt, is just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong."

"I would be willing to forgive her the entire outfit if she wasn't wearing flats."

"You know, I think I should be a personal stylist."

"You'd be really good at it."

"Because...did you ever notice on shows about celebrities....you know, where they interview their stylists? They're the frumpiest dowdiest people ever. I'd be an ideal personal stylist."

"You are so not frumpy and dowdy."

"It's the whole �those who can't do, teach' concept."

"Lees, you are teeming with style."

"Nahhh..."

"No, it's true. I mean, I never see you and just go, �Oh, honey....oh, no, no, no...' about anything you wear, ever."

We're such queens. We really are. It's amazing that people still want to talk to us.

lisamcc at 10:05 a.m.

previous | next