2002-07-30

My id wants a highball

So I was chatting with some of my sober pals last night, and I mentioned how I was feeling a little bunged up over having had three consecutive nights of very vivid "drinking dreams." And people were arguing with me, I mean really trying to make it more than what it was, which was me simply ranting about the fact that I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in 72 hours.

"Dreaming isn't doing, Lisa."

"Yeah, I know, but --"

"Well, weren't you relieved when you woke up and realized it hadn't really happened?"

"The first night, yeah, but...."

"You don't have to make it a reality. It's not self-fulfilling prophecy."

"I'm NOT SAYING that I'm going to go out and get blotto over this, I'm just SAYING that it's creepy, that's all!"

"It's your subconscious, that's all. You're not giving it what it wants in your waking life, so it has to compensate."

"...."

Finally, I just blurted out, "Look, I realize everything you're saying. But it's, like, I don't want to have three nights in a row of dreaming that I'm being chased by a chainsaw murderer, either. Knowing WHY I'm having them doesn't make having them any more pleasant."

"But that doesn't mean you're going to die by a chainsaw, does it?"

Oh, for fuck's sake. You know, there's got to be a happy medium in all of this. On the one hand, I don't want someone telling me to put my problems in a "God Jar" and let my Higher Power handle it. On the other hand, I also don't need someone telling me that my id really, really wants a highball. I think perhaps I need to give both my Higher Power and my id a couple of twenties and send them off for awhile with the warning not to spend it all in one place.

Okay. End of rant.

lisamcc at 8:41 a.m.

previous | next