2001-06-01

Old guy shorts

Ahhh, I gave myself a day off. It's lovely. It's 3:30 in the afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas, drinking coffee and watching VH-1. I'm taking Monday off as well, damn it!

I bought a swell pair of big droopy plaid old guy shorts at a yard sale last weekend. Old guy shorts are vital summer wear for me, and have been ever since my failed days as a skater punk in high school. Unfortunately, they've become vital not so much for their dubious aesthetic appeal, but for what they're able to conceal these days.

Chickens, I was in the bathroom the other day and I realized that the backs of my legs look just like a AAA interstate highway map. And there's nothing I can do about it. I look at the ads in the back of the magazines, and for the 30 bucks I could spend on some mystery goop that may or may not get rid of these little wine-colored tributaries on my hind quarters, I could buy four or five more pairs of droopy old guy shorts and no one would be the wiser.

lisamcc at 3:20 p.m.

previous | next