2009-09-23

Ghost Radar

Did I mention that I have an iPhone? I can't remember.

I have an iPhone. It's simultaneously the BEST and the WORST thing to ever happen to me.

If you don't have one, consider yourself lucky. It will run your life. You will want to have it surgically grafted to your hand. You will download applications (or, in the iParlance, "apps") that you DON'T NEED, and you will pull others into your vortex of iInsanity.

Last week I downloaded an app called "Ghost Radar."

Ghost Radar employs a proprietary algorithm to analyze the quantum flux.

You had me at "proprietary algorithm," baby. You don't even have to take me out to breakfast in the morning.

Use your Ghost Radar to hunt for odd changes in the flux. Hunters of all types may find anomalous areas of their environment where readings simply can't be explained. You be the judge. Are the results of your hunting evidence of paranormal activity?

I don't know about that, but for 99 cents, I'm game.

Now, I've turned it on here and there and gotten a few blobs (or "orbs," if you will). It also supposedly translates all that fluxxy activity into words, which appear at the bottom of the screen (if you have the sound on, you can also hear them). But for me, the true test of whether or not Ghost Radar is worth its spooky salt is how it reacts to the most haunted spot I know of, my workplace.

It's sooooo haunted, I got to be on tv to talk about it and everything.

I told a couple of coworkers about my plans for this app, and got a few suggestions ("Take it down into the Green Room!" "Take it underneath the stage!") but yet NO ONE would actually go WITH ME to test it. Everybody who works here knows the place is loaded with spookers, but yet nobody wants to be confronted with the cold, hard iEvidence.

Cowards.

I took it up into the mezzanine, where I've gotten the "tight in the chest" feeling more than once since I started working here in 1993. I picked up about half a dozen blue orbs (the strongest ghosties, evidently, are red). And my iPhone kept barking: "Art! Art!"

Strangely, no reading underneath the stage, where Henry Jewett was alleged to have hanged himself in 1930.

But when I stuck my iPhone in front of the full-length portrait of Jewett-as-MacBeth that's hanging in the stairwell leading up to the balcony, I got this:

OMG SOMETHING WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND SAID: "FAMILY."

Well, I mean, it's kind of true. I say all the time that the ghosts here are just people who don't want to leave. I can't say that I blame them. It's nice here. It's home.

Laugh all you want; this was 99 cents well-spent.

lisamcc at 10:05 p.m.

5 comments so far
Jess
2009-09-24 13:54:19
My friend has a fart application and uses it at the movies. HAH!
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Lynette
2009-09-24 14:35:10
Jinkies!!!
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Kellie B
2009-09-24 17:32:58
Lisa - you have to take it out in the alley behind the greenroom where the dead body was on the fire escape landing!
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LisaMcC
2009-09-24 18:01:51
Ha ha HA! How could I have forgotten?!
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Toddlington
2009-09-29 01:13:06
So, does it GPS track ectoplasm or what? I'm so confewwwzed. I recently fell down the slippery slope to iPhonedom, and I'm both reveling and regretting it, like you. Its capabilities are amazing, but I really just don't see how this one can be pulled off. EXPLAIN YOUR APP!
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