2008-12-10
Humbug.
For the last couple of days, I've been struggling mightily with the holidays. I haven't felt this ambivalent-bordering-on-hostile in a long time. Like, since before I quit drinking.
Because let's face it -- they're a pain in the ass, no matter how you try to "manage" them. You gotta squeeze shopping time in (and, no, I can't do it all online, thank you), you gotta decide which parties you're going to, you gotta decide what YOU'RE going to do at YOUR house, you gotta wrap, you gotta bake a metric assload of snickerdoodles, and you have to DRIVE ALL OVER NEW ENGLAND because you can't just stay put one year, keep your pajamas on all day, and play Guitar Hero like you maybe WANT to.
And I KNOW, OK, that it's no more of a barrel of fucking fun for anybody else, particularly those who have to host eight zillion relatives and make sure you have enough deli platters or whatever.
I know. I'm awful. Not even Lenny & Squiggy's Christmas Song can pull me out of my funk:
Well, no....that's not totally true. That made me feel a little bit better.
I'll tell you what makes me feel MUCH better. Every year around this time, I visit the "Scared of Santa" online gallery. It's a repository of terror, mirth and schadenfreude....and it's totally BRILLIANT. Here's the picture that just did it for me a few years back:
My God, that's just the most perfect thing in the history of ever.
But as the collection has grown, I have accumulated some additional favorites:
"Please don't EAT me, Santa."
I love these shots where one kid is just smiling away while its younger sibling is in the middle of serious psychic trauma.
And, OK, seriously? THIS particular Santa made me almost pee a little bit:
I do not fault this child for flipping his shit whatsoever.
And then there's THIS guy:
You KNOW this Santa smells like gin and dirty socks. He's probably got an overweight senator's daughter in a pit in his basement, too. "Precious!!"
Wow. I feel SO much better now. Bring it ON, Christmas.
lisamcc at 8:44 p.m.
3 comments so far
ska-t
2008-12-11 18:06:35
i have laughed for a solid half-hour. with tears aplenty. you are EVIL.
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Jess
2008-12-12 01:20:50
If it makes you feel any better, I'm not doing anything for XMas. No friends, no family, no presents, no cooking, nothing. And I'm kinda bummed about it. But, at the same time, we didn't want to give in to all the corporate XMas bullshit. Plus we're too broke to afford presents or visit family. But I'm pretending it's because of the "corporate christmas" thing and not because of money. Shhh... don't tell.
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lj lindhurst
2008-12-12 18:58:30
That last Santa looks like Will Arnett.
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