2008-08-20
The ICK List
Fall is right around the corner, and it's all about the "must-haves" in the magazines now. The "It List," if you will. You know - every girl needs to have a cropped wool jacket with big buttons, at least two leather handbags the size of John McCain's jowls, and metallic nail polish. Everyone needs to read the latest "Five People You Make Chicken Soup In Heaven For" dreck that made Oprah cry, or whatever. And twins, evidently, are the new Jimmy Choo slingbacks in Hollywood.
Since I love making lists (it's the Virgo in me), I offer up my own variation on That Which Is "It." Except I'm calling it "The Ick List." I don't think it needs much in the way of explanation.
Now, I know that I'm going to be listing things that, for some, are in no way "icky." Some of these things, in fact, you may personally be a huge fan of, or at least are not particularly offended by. No arbiter of taste am I; I fully admit this. I can probably name three items on my person and at least twelve things that I've done since waking up this morning that would make your eyes roll back into your head. So with that caveat, I give you THE ICK LIST 2008:
French Pedicures: I just find these terrifying somehow. I'm all for gussying up one's feet. I look down at my cherry-red toenails and I feel a little pang of happiness. But this:
Do you see what I mean, sort of? It's just....creepy. And we won't even get into the TOE RING.
Hot Tubs: I've been over this before. Certainly I understand that there are...therapeutic...advantages to sitting in a steaming, frothing, bubbling tub with a bunch of other people. It's when the hot tub is featured as part of a purported "romantic" evening that I bristle, and bristle but good. Great. Do I get rose petals all over the floor and a teddy bear clutching a plastic heart filled with Red Hots, too? Because then I'll know you REALLY love me. Break open the Brut and let's fuck!
Website Trackers: I've GOT one of these, and most of the time, I wish I didn't. I've convinced myself that as a writer, it's important for me to see who's reading my drivel. But then I'll check my stats, and be all like: "WHY is someone in Riyadh checking my page EVERY 25 MINUTES?!" Trackers are like crack for the paranoid. And then there are the people who put trackers on their MySpace pages. "OMG i think my exboyfrend is lookin @ my myspace wut do i doooo?????" Sometimes you're better off NOT knowing, know what I mean?
Corey Haim: I stopped watching that show on A&E because it wasn't funny or ironic...it was just incredibly sad and scary, and not because of Corey FELDMAN. Haim is a pharmaceutical time bomb. The rage just roils off of him in perceptible waves. It's a show that should have been campy, and it's wound up being the televised equivalent of watching your drunk uncle trying not to act drunk at your cousin's wedding. Only it's much, much worse.
Knowing All The Names Of Brad And Angelina's Children: Quick -- can you do it? Aren't you sort of ashamed of yourself?
Feel free to add your own items. Maybe it'll get picked up by "Marie Claire."
lisamcc at 11:07 a.m.
4 comments so far
PK
2008-08-20 18:20:01
SO with you on the french pedicures. It's for people who want their toes to look like fingers. Toenails shouldn't be even remotely long. Or "shaped." Ew ew ew ew ew.
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Honey
2008-08-20 21:38:38
This picture of Anne Rice: http://punkrockpenguin.net/journal/cripes.jpg
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Jess
2008-08-22 20:34:35
I am in complete agreement on the French Pedicures. They horrify me to no end. As PK said toenails should not be even REMOTELY long!! Don't agree with the hot tub, LOVE the Coreys, and I can only name Maddox.
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vikkitikkitavi
2008-08-22 21:46:07
The picture makes me what to hurl. French pedicures are so popular at my ghetto-ass nail salon, and although I always avert my eyes, every time I catch a glimpse, I feel sick to my stomach. On my Ick List would be Beanie Babies.
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