2008-06-01

Fingers Crossed For Summer.

This morning I was talking with others of my ilk and comparing all the things we used to do to "prove" that we hadn't lost control of our drinking.

I liken the final year or so of my drinking to drawing a series of lines in the sand, and crossing them again and again until I hit the wall, and simply didn't have any more lines to cross. I didn't drink in the morning, until I did. I would never be drunk before 5 o'clock, until I was.

June is always a bittersweet month for me. I am coming up on 6 years sober, although more and more I think of it as "6 years in recovery." Because although I don't drink, there are times when I'm using situations, behaviors, or people, in the same way that I drank. I have behaved in ways that are less than "sober," without ever picking up a drink, if that makes any sense. It's hard sometimes not to clobber myself over the messes I make, or to then wallow in resentment over the fact that some people can just walk away, with nary a scratch, from the same trainwreck.

But I remember something my friend Nick always says, and that's that the best advice he ever got was from his third grade teacher: eyes on your own paper. I've got my essay to finish, amends to make, wrongs to right. I want this summer to be a good one, and I'm hopeful. Fingers crossed.

Allow me to do a complete one-eighty. THAT...is a CHOP SUEY SANDWICH. I must have it. And I shall. Oh yes. At some point this summer I am going to Salem Willows, play a metric assload of SkeeBall, and consume this sandwich that bears a little too much resemblance to a glistening pile of cranial matter atop a cheap-ass hamburger bun. It's become something of a gastronomic Holy Grail for me. I mentioned it to my cousin Billy this afternoon, and he just looked at me and said, "Holy shit, Lees...are you smoking pot again?"

No. But I can still eat like a stoner.

lisamcc at 9:23 p.m.

2 comments so far
sean
2008-06-01 23:24:26
Ok. That is just pure summer perfection right there. Salem Willows + skee ball + chop suey sandwiches = yay!
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Jess
2008-06-03 17:07:55
Hey Lees, this is in response to YOUR comment to ME. How long, would you say, would a person (OK, me) have to do Pilates to see results? Just curious. I'm trying to find a Pilates TV show on FitTV because I know I'll never drag myself out of the house to a class. And I packed away all of my (unopened, natch) Pilates DVDs.
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