2008-05-11
Another fucking opportunity for growth.
I've been in deep, murky denial over this for the past several weeks, but effective tomorrow morning, I can no longer pretend it's not happening.
My gay boyfriend left me. He moved to New York City.
There will be no more looming in his office doorway, waiting for him to look up and acknowledge my presence by telling me how fucking cute I am. There will be no more bursts of faux-flatulence and vaguely-masturbatory noises to break up an otherwise long, dull day. I will no longer be able to call him and announce that because I am listening to Erasure, I am a bigger homo than he is. Well, I COULD do this, but it would cost money.
I understand that despite my beliefs to the contrary, I am not the center of the universe, and I therefore must never expect people to continue to circle around me. I try to force gravity, and I invariably end up in a world of hurt.
There's a gentleman I know who, when faced with any sort of tumult, says: "Another fucking opportunity for growth." It's always better in the long run to lean into the discomfort (and sometimes outright painfulness) of change, as opposed to fighting with it, or not giving it everything you have. I know this.
Experience has also taught me that some people are meant to be constant, boon companions, and still others will cycle back in. I am blessed beyond belief to have some of the friends I have. If I stop struggling, and remain open and aware and grateful, I know in my heart that I haven't lost anything. It's a fucking opportunity for growth, or at least a fucking opportunity to go to New York more often.
lisamcc at 7:25 p.m.
5 comments so far
Melanie
2008-05-11 23:30:41
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. I had a weird almost-tiff with my gb this weekend, and feel like shit about it. Don't want to imagine how you must be feeling. And haven't we grown enough YET???! (But an excuse to get to NYC more often is definitely a bright side.)
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GBNYC
2008-05-12 17:36:05
Hi LisaMCC. GBfriend checking in here from New York City. It might help you to know that ALL GAYS have been summoned to New York City for the May 30 "Sex and the City" movie premiere. I didn't know until I got here. Andy Bell greeted my bus. Everything's pink and frilly here. And one of those Pet Shop Boys "gay-emergency-on-the-streets" anthems is playing on a giant speaker so large it blocks the sun, making it dark like a nightclub all day long. jmk
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LisaMcC
2008-05-12 18:57:32
I am barely, slightly comforted by this news.
Are you sure you didn't bring all that pink frillery WITH you? Because you are, like, the Typhoid Mary of GAY.
I miss you so much...
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lj lindhurst
2008-05-13 09:48:26
Look at it this way, you now live in the GLOBAL VILLAGE! NYC is not that far away, and even if it was, you have all kinds of ways to keep in touch with people. It's not like it's the 1700's and you have to wait 6 weeks for a horse to deliver a letter...ya know? PS, it's true, all the gays have been summoned here for that goddamned movie.
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Lynette
2008-05-19 00:11:40
I will give you faux (or not so faux) flatulence any time you need. And you can call ME collect.
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Stumble It!
