2008-03-19

Vote early. Vote often. Vote....weeth your BLOOOOOOD!

According to this article in Tuesday's Globe, Democrats partial to Hillary tend to drink Dunkin' Donuts coffee, while those in favor of an Obama administration go for Starbucks. The theory being, one surmises, that the salt-o'-the-earth, blue-collar types pony up to Dunks every morning, singing: "Doin' things is what I like to do....YES!" (Y'know, just like Hillary.) Meanwhile, down the block, a white-collar, over-educated Dem plunks down $10 for a venti-nofat-triple-shot-Douchebaggicino.

The article fails to address that overlooked and underestimated portion of the voting public that craves neither the brackish hot dog water that passes for coffee at Dunks nor the burnt gritty sludge served up at the 'Bux. Indeed, for these people the boost they need in the morning does not come in a styrofoam cup bearing the warning that the liquid therein is HOT. These people need BLOOD. Who will represent them? Who will speak for the Sanguinarians?

Meet Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey.

A couple of things:
1) This guy is for real. You can't make this shit up.
2) Think long and hard before you click on that link. Doing so will take you down the rabbit hole, into a veritable vortex of crushed velvet and excruciatingly awful HTML, from whence there is no return. In the words of my cousin Mike, it's like staring into the abyss and having it moon you.

This isn't Sharkey's first attempt at running for public office. In 2006, he tossed his pointy hat into the ring, becoming a candidate for the Governor of Minnesota. Things didn't quite work out for Jonathon, but a documentary exists for those who wish to silently cheer him on, knowing full well what the outcome will be.

I might actually consider writing Sharkey in, if he would bring Cryptie on board as his running mate.

lisamcc at 3:48 p.m.

4 comments so far
scott
2008-03-20 17:36:23
you're one of the reasons i still hang around "Diaryland". crack me up, you do. (fascinating, tragic story about Peg Entwistle, btw). here's my write-in candidate: http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/3257/bowmanbody.html
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LisaMcC
2008-03-20 18:38:36
Scott! You damn dirty ape...how've you been?

It's gotten markedly better here in D-land. Andrew actually appears to give a shit again.
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Lynette
2008-03-24 23:04:04
Oh my goodness, you weren't kidding about that HTML. Seriously, is this 1993 again? But I'm really rooting for him to find his documentarian justice by working with those "producers from German." Which reminds me of my dream to visit Paris French...
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Mike Burchett
2008-03-29 15:49:44
I's got quoted! Hoo-fuckin-ray! But I think this entry is missing one very important question? Which coffee do Minnesottian-Satan-Worshipping-Bloodsucking-Presidential-Hopefuls drink? Any why? My guess: Yuban
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