2008-01-07

Niece-isms

Not to slight my nephews any, but my nieces are absolutely HILARIOUS.

MY SISTER (while watching a movie about dinosaurs): Oh no, Chloe! Here comes the BAD GUY!
CHLOE (age 6): Mumma. He is not a "bad guy." He's a MEAT EATER and he needs to EAT. (a pause, then...) You don't know very much about dinosaurs, do you?

CHLOE (approaching MIRANDA, age 7, who is reclining languidly on the couch alongside SPUTNIK, my brother's very large, and very dumb, cat): There is a DEAD MOUSE in the yard, that THAT CAT KILLED.
MIRANDA (wearily): Well, THAT doesn't surprise me...

MONICA (age 10): Aunt Lisa, would you like to come in my room and see my Bionicles?
ME: Love to, Munk.
MONICA: As you can see, I have made this one very AERODYNAMIC.
ME: Yeah, cool, and it kinda looks like Boba Fett!
MONICA: ...
ME: I mean, y'know, the way his head is shaped, like...uh...Boba Fett's...helmet...there.
MONICA: Welllll, that wasn't really my INTENTION, but I guess I see what you mean.

CHLOE (watching "The Wizard of Oz" for the first time, upon seeing the scene in which the Wicked Witch locks Dorothy in the tower with the giant hourglass. As Dorothy starts shrieking and crying...): Why doesn't she just flip that thing back over so she won't DIE?

I'm sure every auntie says this shit, but my God, they're so SMART and so fearless with their words right now. They make me laugh, and then I say a little prayer to whatever deity watches out for them girlchildrens, that they'll stay this way, that they'll remain unconcerned with appearing too smart. That they won't worry about being pretty or popular enough. That they won't spend years unlearning the bad habits and undoing the psychic damage inflicted on them just by seventh grade alone. Because I want Chloe to always be smarter than the weepy female protagonist. I want Miranda to always carry herself like a pint-sized Tallulah Bankhead. I want Monica to always build amazing creatures and give very serious presentations about them.

lisamcc at 8:05 p.m.



1 comments so far
vikkitikkitavi
2008-01-08 11:14:36
Amen, sister. My mom inadvertently passed on to me her fear that there was a bad man hiding around every corner, waiting to get her. I've always wondered how you raise a little girl to not be afraid of that, even though it is mostly true.
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