2007-03-18
I went to Disneyland. And it didn't suck.
Look, there's much that I truly like about Southern California, now that I've been there more than once and have gotten over my (mostly) unfounded distaste for the place. PK and Aaron have been more than generous with their time and tourguiderly talents, and I've come away each time feeling like L.A. is less of a cultural suckhole and more of a place that I might could see myself living in, were it not for the fact that you have to DRIVE EVERYWHERE, and I am completely, totally, spastically phobic about this.
On my early, dawn-ish, brisk walks up Sunset Boulevard (I had no access to a gym the week I was out there, so I improvised by taking walks and running up and down staircases at stupid o'clock every morning), I was struck by the fact that I was the only person on the sidewalk, save for the people who were waiting for the bus. And those people looked at me like I was pushing a dead, three-headed alien in a rusty pram, because NOBODY WALKS IN LOS ANGELES. Actually - forgive me - they do. They drive their cars to Griffith Park and then walk around there. That would take some serious adjusting to, for me, because by and large my preferred mode of transportation are my own two feet. Even if I got over this intense, pants-shitting fear of being behind the wheel of an automobile, I suspect that I still would prefer walking.
I digress. Some of the people that I most love and treasure are out there, and they enjoy living there, and I trust their reasons for doing so. Certainly the weather doesn't suck, and I felt a vague pang of guilt the Tuesday morning I put on shorts and a tshirt for my walk while learning that back home, it was ELEVEN DEGREES OUTSIDE. But I got over that pretty quickly.
There were a few Big Things planned for this particular trip. One was heading out to Long Beach to see my friend Mark perform with his "band" -- the venerable Negativland. On the completely philosophically opposite end of the spectrum was going to Disneyland. Yes, I am quite possibly the biggest Negativland fan on the East Coast, and yet I am completely queer for Disney. Don't think that I don't feel intense conflict over this.
Actually, more to the point, I am completely queer for the Greatest Ride In The History Of EVER - The Haunted Mansion. Most people who know me well know how I utterly obsessed I am with this ride. The opportunity to "step all the way into the DEAD CENTER" of the original chamber was something akin to a pilgrimage, you better believe it.
I did a bang-up job of prolonging the suspense. I quite happily went on a bunch of other rides before allowing myself to wander into New Orleans Square. The FIRST thing we did, as a matter of fact, was go on The Tower of Terror, which - holy fuckin' shit - might very well be my SECOND favorite ride now. And Aaron, for reasons that he never quite went into, wanted to experience Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. And I truly believe that if ever I was going to puke that day, it would have been the direct result of PK's psychotic steering of our teacup, which Aaron captured nicely here.
We lunched right on the outskirts of New Orleans Square. I had me a nice big box of what PK and I coined "fried frieds."
We were struck by the number of wee birdies fearlessly hopping about our table. Many years ago, at DisneyWorld, one of these fucking avifaunal bastards crapped on my head, prompting my father to wittily assure me that it was an "audioanimatronic bird, Leesie," and that the crap on my head would "magically disappear." Har har. Seriously, though? That's the life right there, being a cute little bird at Disneyland.
Eventually, though, I couldn't take it anymore, and BOLTED through the square toward the Holy of Holies, as if being forcibly pushed by a huge, unseen hand.
I grinned like the giant, stupid simp that I am as we made our way into the stretching portrait gallery, and by the time we got into the queue to await our Doombuggies, my face hurt from smiling so much. I turned to PK and said, weepily, "Oh, Paula. I'm....I'm SO HAPPY."
Really, it's the PERFECT ride. Everything about it is flawless. I love it so much. And PK, bless her, has promised to break in and scatter my ashes there in the event that I die before her.
Before we left the park, I made everyone go on it AGAIN.
I loved me some Disneyland. Really. And the ride home was totally fun, too, since me and PK got to sit in the backseat and make fart noises while our husbands pretended they didn't know us.
We really are the most ridiculous, immature bitches ever.
lisamcc at 8:30 p.m.
3 comments so far
buzzgirl
2007-03-18 22:20:39
Bwa ha ha! Jeezus! I can't believe I don't know you in "real life". Sigh.
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Lexi Kahn
2007-03-20 15:15:56
Well now I'm about the most jealous twat ever. What. A. Fun. Time. I was here in eleven degrees of crap. You suck. I love the teacup video, that ruled.
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Long lost sister
2007-03-22 18:56:57
I feel like you're cheating on me... enjoying The Magical World of Disney sans your adorable little sister. Bitch.
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