2004-04-03
Jury Duty 3
continued...
The epic tragicomedy of the trial was suspended for one full day, Wednesday, because March 17th is a "city holiday" known as Evacuation Day. Read and learn, chickens.
Having had a day away from the utter foolishness of it all, I came back on Thursday morning semi-refreshed and semi-willing to give our poor blonde plaintiff the benefit of the doubt, until Court Officer Candy announced that court was again in session, and the next series of witnesses procured by the Law Offices of Bumble & Phuckupp, PC, were paraded before us.
The plaintiff's high school guidance counselor, the high school nurse, and her math teacher were brought up to testify that, yes, she indeed missed quite a bit of school and she took quite a lot of Tylenol in the nurse's office; at least, that's what they all remembered, this all having taken place 6 years ago. Note for future reference: if you are ever attempting to sue a trucking company for $500,000 in "lost productivity," it's generally a good idea to find witnesses that at least remember you. The witnesses looked baffled, I'm sure we looked baffled, and the snarky defense attorney didn't even bother to cross-examine any of these people.
Next came the "accident reconstruction specialist," who, while admitting that he wasn't actually present at the time of the accident -- indeed, he was just driven to the scene about 3 months ago -- opined that the road was rather a bit too narrow for a large tractor-trailer, although there were no signs prohibiting commercial vehicles. Bumble and Phuckupp then engaged the specialist in a discussion on "off-tracking." An easel and a large pad of paper were provided, so that the specialist might show us what this all meant. Bumble also gave him a red felt-tip pen, then asked if he could "draw bigger."
"I'll need a bigger pen, a marker."
Phuckupp began to scramble about his table, procuring a large pink marker.
"That's a highlighter."
"Well, just do the best you can."
"Your Honor, we do have some models we can use, to demonstrate..."
At this, snarky defense attorney's head jerked up. "Objection...er, were these 'models' brought to my attention?"
At this point I noticed that Bumble was holding in his paws two toy trucks, probably purchased from the CVS down the street, neither of which even remotely resembled the photos of the actual truck involved in the accident.
"Sidebar!"
A heated discussion ensued over the admissibility of the toy trucks, since they were obviously not to scale, and one of them had little painted tigers all over it.
Not that I was taking any of this into consideration, mind. Court Officer Candy made me put my notepad down.
the fabulous conclusion....very soon....
lisamcc at 9:33 a.m.
1 comments so far
S. Decay
2004-04-12 17:18:12
Oh Lisa, you are truly the paradigmatic voice of your generation. Your prose is as fluid as the purest water, and twice as refreshing. You provide penetrating insights into our criminal justice system with an eye for nuance and an ear for irony. You are truly a great American and your name will be on the lips of school children for untold generations. I can't stop gushing, so I'd better see a doctor. S. Decay Claquing Services: We Applaud Your Efforts.
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