2004-02-19

Death and SQL become me

Tomorrow is the third and final day of the fresh hell my place of employment has deemed necessary for me to continue on my path to inevitable unsuitability for anything other than database administration: more SQL training.

I cannot quite determine when it was that someone flipped the switch in my brain and turned me into Logic Girl. I went from taking "Fun With Numbers" in high school to writing queries and engaging in all kinds of backend manipulation (and don't think that I don't giggle like crazy every time I say that; it's the FILTHIEST thing I get to say during the course of my workday).

For some reason, somebody somewhere (probably the same person who decided I was good at math) has the idea that I am over 65 years of age, because I get all kinds of mail inviting me to explore assisted living, consider the purchase of a "Jazzy" power chair, and spare my family needless worry over the cost of my funeral. Just yesterday, as a matter of fact, I received a letter from the fine folks at Keohane Funeral Service urging me to think about what my up and dying, without properly calculating the costs of the disposal of my mortal coil, would mean to my nearest and dearest.

Talk about having an miniature existential crisis right there in the front hall, chickens. All I want to do is avoid using aggregate functions with null values, and here's Mr. Keohane telling me that I'm gonna die someday, but if I mail the enclosed card, I can learn about a Pre-Need Funeral Plan.

Seriously, though? I think the best thing about this letter is the teeney-tiny little postscript at the bottom: This letter is widely distributed. If it has reached your home at a time of serious illness or recent death, or if it offends you in any way, please accept our deepest sympathy and apologies.

lisamcc at 9:48 p.m.

2 comments so far
Honey
2004-02-20 02:26:30
I have the oppostite problem--lots of mail for people graduating from high school.
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Aislin-dream
2004-02-20 08:47:46
We were just gabbing in the cube farm yesterday about how GD politically correct we've all become. Don't get me wrong, I think some sensitivity is in order when dealing with topics such as death, but please!
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