2003-09-30

Warts and all

Man, I just had the most abysmal, pile-of-suck day. First of all, it's Day One of the annual audit that my company is subjected to, being a nonprofit and all (you can catch some nice mental snapshots of audits past here, and here. I can't decide if I've just had this diary for way too frigging long, or if it's finally time to get another job, or what). So I'm fried, with a long-range forecast of most certainly probably being refried by week's end, Paula's on tour, and I got home tonight and found out that one of my instructors from college killed himself and his wife this past weekend.

And, the thing is -- this is life. This is what I wanted back when I stopped drinking. This is what I effectively signed back on for, warts and all, and I've tied up, duct-taped shut, and padlocked the chemical escape valve.

If I have a crappy day, I can't drink.

If I have a good day, I can't drink.

If one of my professors is found dead in his garage, I can't drink.

It is just not an option anymore, ever. And when I start to thinking about how much this sucks, I realize that it's okay. It's very okay. It's not that I can't, it's that I don't.

lisamcc at 6:50 p.m.

4 comments so far
Kathy
2003-09-30 20:40:32
Man, have you ever had a heck of a day! How sad about your old professor and his wife! Congratulations on putting alcohol in its place today!
-------------------------------

Tom
2003-10-01 07:59:30
The warts are still less painful when dealt with sans alcohol. Congrats to you on your inner fortitude in the face of such stress. I don't have a problem with alcohol myself, but having seen intimate aquaintances struggle for years, I give you a lot of credit. Good luck :)
-------------------------------

Robin
2003-10-04 09:56:45
You are one of the most wonderful, strong, intelligent people. You're SO aware that you can...and you still don't. What character that takes. You're inspiring. I'm sorry about your professor. Oy vey. :( Robin :)
-------------------------------

leslie
2003-10-10 11:41:32
And here I thought my day sucked. Good for you for staying strong and not drinking. I myself have to fight the urge to go all loopy when times are hard. Stay strong!
-------------------------------

previous | next