2010-05-27

Creature Double Feature

Last night I was in the mood for a movie. I ended up watching two: Cronenberg's outstanding 1986 remake of "The Fly," followed by perennial fave "Pretty In Pink." And I realized that I was essentially watching a "Creature Double Feature." Because each is horrifying in its own way.

[An aside: Cronenberg announced last fall that he was going to be remaking his remake, which I find baffling and preposterous. Far be it from me to criticize a guy that knows what he's doing, but how can you remake a movie that was utterly perfect to begin with? Bring back Geena Davis and have her give birth to a more realistic-looking maggot baby? Bring back the infamous "monkey-cat" scene that was so disgusting that it got cut from the '86 version? I mean - I'm game, but I'm skeptical. I had very, VERY unsavory thoughts about Jeff Goldblum for MONTHS after seeing it the first time (when I was in high school)...you know, when he first got the dose of fly genes and turned into this sweaty sexytime scientist, before he got gross and stuff started falling off of him and he puked up corrosive enzymes on donuts. Yeah. Before that, although that was pretty awesome, too. For about 20 minutes there he was IT, man. Now, I heard that Adrien Brody might be taking on the Goldblum role, which would probably work, but I don't know. Jeff Goldblum was deadsexy. Jeff Goldblum is STILL deadsexy. All right. I'm done.]

Oh, sure. On the surface these two movies are completely different. One is very clearly a horror movie, the other a teen "dramedy." But "Pretty In Pink" secures a place in MY addled brain as a horror movie for two reasons:

1) Andrew McCarthy's wig in the prom scene.
2) Molly Ringwald's horrible prom dress.

Let's talk about the wig. The story is that the ORIGINAL ending had Andie going off with Duckie (many people believe this to be the only right and natural ending; I have had near fistfights with some of my girlfriends about this). This ending did not "test" well, and further, John Hughes felt it was sending the wrong message about sticking with one's own kind. Soooo, the prom scene was rewritten and refilmed. Only glitch was that Andrew McCarthy was in New York, doing a play called "The Boys of Winter," and had shaved his head. No problem, right? Put him in a wig. No one will know the difference.

Good God. That thing looks like it's about to fly off his head and chase James Spader into a phone booth all Tippi Hedren-style. Run, James Spader, RUN!

And the DRESS.

Molly's character, an allegedly talented seamstress, takes two dresses and creates an unholy FRANKENFROCK that would very definitely be off tossing little girls into lakes if it wasn't at the prom. On the hideousness of this dress, my friends and I are all in agreement, even if we want to pull out each other's hair over whether or not she should have left the prom with Duckie.

There you have it. Jeff Goldblum vomiting on donuts. Andrew McCarthy's wig. Pleasant dreams, kiddies.

lisamcc at 2:40 p.m.

2 comments so far
PK
2010-05-31 11:14:02
MutheraGAWD The Dress. I remember the first time I saw Pretty in Pink and was anticipating the reveal of The Dress... Oh my shit, couldn't they have even TRIED? Yeah, I know it was the 80s and all, but still- you couldn't get me into that thing if you paid me in a lifetime supply cave aged Gruyere from remotest Switzerland! Hugly!
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Jess
2010-06-11 04:22:38
You forgot about the other horrifying part about "Pretty In Pink:" The message about conformity. Molly ends up with Blain & his bad wig whilst wearing the world's worst dress. Ducky shows up at the prom wearing "normal" clothes (albeit with dirty and supposedly "quirky" shoes) Annie Potts ends up removing her various awesome wigs and proceeds to date some douche whilst looking like a lesbian. I watched most of it silently (didn't have headphones) on the way from LA to Boston on Tuesday. I will NEVER get over the horror of that dress! Especially after the long, involved montage of her making it! Either of the two original dresses would have been MUCH better.
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