2010-04-20

Restraint of tweet and tongue.

Back around New Year's, I made several promises (NOT resolutions) that I had every intention of keeping. For the most part, I've kept them.

Except one.

I went and got me a Twitter account.

Sigh.

I could try and defend this decision by listing the very useful connections I've chosen to follow, via my Twitter feed. I get headlines from NPR, humor from The Onion, publishing news from Little Brown, book reviews from NYT, and writing prompts from Writers Digest. All in one, neat, self-contained area, so I don't have go leapfrogging all over the interwebs.

I could say that it will eventually be a good networking/promotional tool for me, if and when I ever become a "real" writer.

I could say a lot of things. It still won't cover up the fact that I've done a deeply distressing thing here, by joining Twitter. Because as "useful" as it may be, it is every bit the emotional vomitorium that I suspected it of being.

And the apparent rules of "conduct," my God. I had no idea. Worse than Facebook. If you don't tweet enough, you get unfollowed. Tweet too much - unfollowed. RE-tweet too much - unfollowed. Observe that Clinique's "Happy" smells like canned fruit cocktail and Comet - unfollowed. Neglect to follow someone back - unfollowed. It's like junior high school, trying to decide what you're going to wear every morning so that people will "like" you. I call it TPA - Twitter Performance Anxiety.

One dubious benefit to all of this is the world of "celebrity" tweeting. I have learned much about a number of notable citizens (or "Twitizens," if you will). John Cusack will BLOCK you if you mention his execrable spelling. Scott Baio, and his delightful wife, have carte blanche to use homophobic slurs because they have gay friends (I'm sure these gay friends are delighted to hear this). Tila Tequila is crazier than a rat in a coffee can. Nothing levels the playing field, and makes us more aware that stars "are just like us" (at least in terms of passive-aggressive behavior and garden-variety neediness) than Twitter. It makes you long for the days of the "studio system." Louis B. Mayer would have NEVER allowed his coterie of stars to have Twitter pages, unless somebody else was tweeting for them. Can you imagine Judy Garland's Twitter? "Got 2 take sum downers now n hav a nap before nxt scn. TTYL!!1!"

I'll stay, at least for a little while, until it becomes less perversely fascinating. Until then, restraint of tweet and tongue will be my modus operandi.

lisamcc at 8:25 a.m.



2 comments so far
Stephen
2010-04-21 19:58:21
I think you mean "Courtney Michelle is crazier than a rat in a coffee can." http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8633339.stm I personally think she should have just gone with a symbol.
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mumma
2010-04-21 22:01:36
Oh, no...you have got to be kidding. How did you, of all people, get suckered into that "world"...tsk tsk
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