2010-04-09

Justice?

No mother looks at her squalling, newborn daughter and murmurs, "My darling. In just a few short years you will be so miserable that you will seek to tear another girl down, hounding her until she feels as worthless as you secretly do. And I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that happens, because I love you so very much." No mother watches her toddler happily prattling with her toys and thinks, "I hope she stands idly by and does nothing when her classmates single out and bully one unfortunate girl. I want to raise her to be frightened into inaction." And no mother gazes into the face of her little girl and dreams that she'll be the class outcast.

Yet little girls come of age and slip into these very roles, time and time again. Why?

Three of the teenage girls who are alleged to have bullied Phoebe Prince into an early grave were arraigned on Tuesday. There are those who think this is too "harsh," that the courts have no business getting involved. Bullshit. The school administration buried its head in the sand and hoped that this would all blow over. No one was even reprimanded, and no one was held accountable. Did these girls tighten the noose and kick the chair out from under Phoebe's feet? No. But they are most certainly morally culpable, and that needed to be pointed out.

And there are STILL people who say that Phoebe - that indeed anyone who is a victim of bullying - needed to get a thicker skin, grow a spine, change schools, whatever. We need to accept that this happens, and if we were the ones who were being bullied day in and day out, we need to "get over it" and move on.

Again, I call bullshit. Why aren't the bullies being told to "get over" whatever perceived grievances they have against the kids they're bullying? Why aren't THEY told to move past the anger they feel that causes them to lash out at their peers? Just because it "happens all the time" doesn't make it any less repugnant and reprehensible.

We continue to blame the victim. We continue to reward and glorify bad behavior, and we continue to maintain that kids who are in any way "different" are deserving of their fate and, further, must meekly accept it and be GRATEFUL because it's going to make them so much stronger in the long run. These words ring hollow. Am I stronger for having spent a not-insubstantial chunk of my formative years being gleefully eviscerated by my peers? In some ways, yes. But I'll tell you - there are days I wish I'd just sailed more or less anonymously through those years. Because while I am "stronger" in some ways, what I got from that experience was that I needed to keep my head down and my mouth shut. What I got was that self-confidence was "queer," and that pointing out things that were wrong was being "overly sensitive." The adults that were in a position to do something about it, didn't. And so I learned that I was unworthy of compassion or intervention.

Believe me, I've "gotten over" that. For the most part, and with a great deal of outside help. Phoebe Prince didn't get a chance to get over anything.

Meanwhile, in Itawamba County, Mississippi, adults and kids alike are patting themselves on the back for having duped Constance McMillen, the gay teenager who simply wanted to take her girlfriend to the senior prom. Constance, her girlfriend, and a couple of learning-challenged students were invited to a prom, all right, but their classmates were bumping and grinding at the "real" prom, planned in secret by the kids and their PARENTS. Yup, they threw themselves a homo-and-retard-free prom, and everyone had a great ol' time. I'm sorry - was that hateful and unnecessary? So were the actions of these narrow-minded bigots. Their message was loud and clear: you are different, we don't like it, and we are going to go out of our way to exclude you. The viciousness and cruelty here are every bit as devastating as in the Prince case, but also every bit as unsurprising to anyone who's been called a freak, a faggot, or a loser. Yet it goes on, and on, and on.

Enough.

I'm sure some of you are tired of me going on about this. I'm tired, too. But as long as there are kids being ostracized, humiliated, and made to feel worthless, by their peers AND by the adults who have a responsibility to them, I, and people like me, will continue to speak up.

No child should be bullied, and no child should be driven to bully.

Stop Bullying Now
Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
STEPS TO RESPECT
Jared's Story
Bullying.org

lisamcc at 5:09 p.m.

previous | next