2009-04-13

Cold floors.

Well, here we are.

Did that really happen?

A week ago I was looking at apartment listings, shaking and crying and saying: "Is this really happening?"

That really happened. That was really happening to us.

I don't regret blasting my feelings about the last week all over the pages of this diary, even though it was very rather like entering a crowded room, tearing off my shirt, and then suddenly demanding that everyone STOP staring at my rack.

I don't regret it, because it was an integral part of my reaching out for help. And I got it, in abundance. I truly know who my friends are now. They're the ones that let me call them at all hours of the night and morning, the ones that called me, the ones that offered their couches and guestrooms, and the ones that told me not to write off the possibility of reconciliation, even if I was convinced that there was no hope of such a thing.

I don't know how I can thank them.

I also don't regret being so public about it because now, in a strange way, a little pressure has been relieved. We're not a perfect couple, by any stretch of the imagination. We're people. And people act badly, have irrational thoughts, keep to themselves, and sometimes do pretty crappy things to one another.

The rug can be yanked out from under you at any time. Just like that. And you learn a thing or two about impermanence, which of course is the way of the world...you just didn't necessarily want to BELIEVE that. But there you are, learning to walk on some pretty cold floors.

I am just so blessed that I didn't have to walk on them by myself.

lisamcc at 7:20 a.m.



1 comments so far
Jess
2009-04-13 15:43:22
No couple is perfect. I have a really great strong, stable relationship. We get along great, etc... and I think a lot of people think we're the "perfect" couple. But if you thought that the word "divorce" had not been brought up (more than once)... you'd be wrong. Couples go through shit. It's the nature of the beast. You might find that it brings you guys closer together than ever. "What doesn't kill you..." and all that. Jeff & I have talked about doing a thing where once a month we air all our shit out. All the big things and little things that piss us off and irritate us (we'll probably have to limit the number, heh) about each other. We've found that when we haven't had a fight in a long time, we tend to have a BIG blowout (usually around my period, heh). And that sucks. So, we figure if we don't let things build up... maybe that'll prevent the big fights. Dunno if it'll work (and we haven't done it yet), but it sounds good in theory. I'm pulling for you guys.
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