2009-02-01

FABruary, my ass.

The houseboy -- relentlessly, ruthlessly and incomprehensibly CHEERFUL in the morning (witness the morning he stood in front of the toaster oven singing, to the tune of Naked Eyes' "Promises Promises," "You made me....Thomases Thomases...you knew that I would eeeeeaat...") -- knows that my LEAST favorite month is here, and tries to remind me that it won't suck nearly as hard as I think it will so long as I put some kind of SPIN on it. "It's FAB-ruary!" he exclaimed.

"Fuck you, and fuck your fuckin' FAB-ruary," was my response.

Hey, that's chipper for me.

With all due respect to my Daddums, whose birthday is today, and with paltry little respect to you assclowns who get your panties in a moist mealy twist over "Valentine's Day," I hate me some February. It's some bleak shit, February is. Maybe it's different on the west coast or points south, where you don't have much of a winter to get really, supremely TIRED OF.

I have a number of friends who've never lived further north than the Carolinas who fully romanticize the whole snow thing -- truly the sick, sad mindset of someone who's never had to shovel it. Because here's snow in THEORY:

And here's the REALITY:

And THAT, chickens, is February.

Before you all suggest that I move somewhere milder, let me say that it's more than just grotty, gronky snow that makes me want to stuff February headfirst into the toilet. It just seems to naturally be a rough ride for me. This is the time of year in which I most want to hibernate, but can't. All the sunlamps, supplements and flower shows in the world can't shake the February gloom, mama. I have always had to be even more on my guard during this month, recovery-wise, than usual.

But I'm hopeful. This February may not suck so very much. I have something coming down the pike that I'm quite excited about....something I'm not really ready to spill about just yet (and NO, I'm not pregnant, thank you very much), but I think it's going to be fun and cool and will keep me occupied enough to maybe forget that it's FABruary. Stay tuned.

lisamcc at 4:28 p.m.



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