2008-08-30

Bidness, the last word.

OK - I'm still a little perplexed-bordering-on-gobsmacked over this Sarah Palin thing, but let's get back to the Nashville Excursion. And this is sort of a misnomer the more I look at it, because I really didn't see very much of Nashville. I saw a whole lot of the inside of the Gaylord Opryland Resort, which is technically IN Nashville, but I am beginning to feel that if ever I am asked if I've "been to Nashville," I don't think I could honestly answer "yes."

Let's talk for a minute or two about the Gaylord Opryland Resort. Because I need to talk about it, now that I'm OUT of it.

If you're here for a conference, this place is fine. More than adequate, even. If you have days full of breakout sessions and your evenings have been meticulously planned for you by the conference organizers, and you therefore haven't the time or inclination to see the actual city of Nashville, you will find this place amusing enough....for the first night or so. You will marvel at the fact that everything has been provided for you, from nightclubs to "family fare," and you will joke to your colleagues that you don't actually ever have to go outside the whole time.

By the second night, you start feeling vaguely creeped-out. The interminably long hallways remind you of that scene in "The Shining," and you halfway expect to see ghoulish little girls exhorting you to come play with them...."forever and ever and ever."

In the evening, the sound of the mediocre cover band playing at the Jack Daniel's Saloon ricochets off of the glass ceilings (remember that you are, in essence, staying in a giant terrarium), making relaxing on your wee balcony impossible. Save for a scheduled trip to the Opry, you have not ventured outside once. This is exactly the point.

Can you see the slightly crazed expression here? This is the look of someone who's been let out on a day pass to see if she can function outside of the Biodome.

On your third and final night, having eschewed the scheduled outing to the Wild Horse with the 800+ other conference attendees, you venture to the "Delta Island" area and get a less-than-stellar burger and stale fries at a place called STAX, and are out $10 as a result. A lone troubadour at one of the bars is playing "Love Me Tender" for a bunch of tipsy guests, who bob and sway and attempt meaningful eye contact with one another. It's incredibly sad, and yet you burst out laughing.

Which brings me to my final day, and the fact that I escaped to the airport a full three hours before I needed to. If I'd stayed one minute longer, I would've sprouted moss.

Perhaps I overstate things. I got to go to the Opry, which was hella wicked fun, and I saw Little Jimmy Dickens, which was just about the most awesome thing ever. I made a lot of good contacts, learned much about what we could be doing better with our database, and was able to sound smart and stuff during the roundtable discussions. I paid (or rather, the theatre paid) a pretty reasonable conference rate for my stay ($160/night) so I can't complain that I wasn't given 5-star service and swag for the money. If I'd paid the going rate, I would perhaps be a little less apt to overlook the stains on my pillow sham and additional "daily service charges" for gym access and wireless internet.

So here are my Final Thoughts about the Gaylord Opryland Resort:

PROS: 24-hour gym access, friendly and helpful staff -- from the bell clerks to the gift shoppe proprietress who didn't share my enthusiasm for the Moon Pie I purchased from her ("Ah grew up eatin' these and ah guess ah just don't git what's so great about 'em"), the gardens are lovely to stroll through while you pretend that you're actually outdoors.

CONS: if you're here with a conference, you're trapped, they know it, and you will be milked dry accordingly. Piped-in soft rock from speakers wedged among the flora and fauna destroy the "ambience." And, well, it's Biodome.

lisamcc at 7:22 p.m.

2 comments so far
Kellie
2008-09-05 23:35:34
When I was still in Texas they built an Opryland Texas near my house. They reconstructed the ENTIRE SAN ANTONIO RIVERWALK inside that mother! Oh, and yeah, when you walk into the lobby, there is a replica of The Alamo.
-------------------------------

LisaMcC
2008-09-05 23:41:09
I was seriously afraid that Tessitura had struck a deal with these people, and the next three conferences would be held at the other three biodomes in the chain. Yeah, there's one in Texas, one in Florida, and another outside of D.C.
-------------------------------

previous | next