2008-06-15
Go build yourself another dream; this choice isn't mine...
I watched the better part of an R.E.M. show from '85 last night, and goddamn if this song doesn't KILL me every time:
Arguably one of the best bass lines ever, for one thing.
PK sometimes talks about how certain songs have an ability to simultaneously heal and break you. For me, "So. Central Rain" is one of those songs. You're not even quite sure what Stipe's sorry about, really, but by Christ you believe he's sorry, and everything YOU'RE sorry about comes rushing up out of nowhere, and the floodgates just open. Very cathartic, that.
I get struck with the reflective melancholies around this time every year. More so than my birthday, or New Year's, my sobriety date has become the time during which I think back on the year that was. If I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll be six years without the hooch this Thursday.
When I was first coming around to meetings, I'd hear all about how some people were the most challenged after YEARS in recovery. And lord god, I now understand that. My fifth year sober has been a total rollercoaster, and I've had to check numerous times to make sure I'm still securely strapped into my seat. I have really learned this year what it is to sit with real fear, to lose people, to let go and trust that things will sort themselves out so long as I keep my grimy hands off the wheel.
At the same time, I've learned that the universe is such that nothing gets taken away without something else coming back around to you. Someone leaves, but here are a bunch of other people who will grieve, and laugh, with you.
I've learned to keep my closet reasonably organized.
I've learned that I am the sort of person who can give kinda good advice, at least about perfume.
I've learned to choose my battles. I'm still learning to walk away from a couple of them with some dignity.
And "So. Central Rain" is still a WICKED GOOD song.
lisamcc at 12:53 p.m.
2 comments so far
Honey
2008-06-16 17:24:53
You're right, that song is great.
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vikkitikkitavi
2008-06-17 15:46:01
Congratulations on your sobriety anniversary. Why shouldn't the date you save your own life be the most important day of the year? What you have done is damn hard, girl, and although it may get easier in some ways over the years, in other ways, it kinda gets harder, I think. Anyhoo, keep collecting the medallions.
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