2008-05-19

Who you callin' PALEFACE?

I was hanging out with my friend Emily yesterday, and I found myself once again defending the amount of time and money I sink into a little something I call "Pelt Preservation."

The pelt in question being, of course, my own.

I will be the first person to admit that I am a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS to go anywhere with during the spring and summer months. I must stop and regularly and liberally apply sunblock (not sunSCREEN...sunBLOCK) to all exposed areas to ensure that my skin remains as pale as Death's Own Underbelly. I will stop, remove my sandals, and rub the stuff IN BETWEEN MY TOES if I have to. When dining al fresco, I will make you sit in the shade, or at the very least, find someplace where *I* can sit in the shade.

I carry a giant pump bottle of SPF 45 with me at all times, and a smaller bottle of moisturizer/sunblock for my face. In addition, I have lip balm with sunblock. If my hair has been recently colored, I have stuff to protect that, too. If I do not feel adequately covered, I will also embarrass you (and, when applicable, your children) by carrying a bright red Chinese parasol.

Here's the thing: above and beyond my ardent desire to NOT get skin cancer, I LIKE being pale. I relish looking as though I've had all the blood drained from my body and replaced with antifreeze. Altogether, I spend roughly $122.84 on sun protection each summer. And I will tell you -- it's WORTH IT. My decolletage is a milky, unblemished wonder to behold. At the ripe old age of 37-and-change, I am not wrinkled, speckled, freckled or otherwise scorched.

I take that back: I have ONE sunspot on my face -- probably the result of the one time in the early 80's when I actually attempted to "tan."

And on that note, I'm off to pick up my $281 prescription sunglasses.

lisamcc at 2:10 p.m.



2 comments so far
bethany
2008-05-19 18:18:50
oh my god, yes. i work hard to maintain my glow in the dark pallor. i truly have never met anyone as pale as myself. i've been liberally applying sunblock since the ripe old age of ten, which is when i realized that skin cancer looks pretty lame and i'd rather not get it. i get shit from people about my color and lack thereof, but i just tell them that in a few years when their hide resembles a purse, mine will still be supple and smooth. so there. i wish i had a parasol. lucky.
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Lynette
2008-05-20 22:36:23
Having moved to an area where even the slightest sun exposure is wikkid killah, yah. I get that. You are wikkid smaht, girl. And when the rest of us are all wrinkled hags (oh wait...that's NOW), you will be the delightfully creamy skinned porcelain doll you already are. Skank.
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