2008-04-18

Once an addict...

I was looking at one of those "Question of the Day" blogs, and the question a few days ago was "If you found out that someone you know and like was a recovering alcoholic, would your feelings about that person change?"

And one of the responses was so hostile that I sat there, sort of stunned. Basically, this woman said, "Once an addict, always an addict," (true), but then went on to talk about how much she "hate hate HATES" all addicts and if she found out someone she was getting along with was in recovery, she'd hate that person, too.

Eek.

My initial reaction, as a recovering addict, is to get all defensive. Because on the one hand, in my mind, hating someone who's addicted is like hating someone with diabetes. Like standing in the doorway and yelling, "Damn it! Can't you get that blood sugar level under control on your own? What's the matter with you? God, you're so WEAK." But the "disease model" of addiction is something that even a lot of addicts question, and it's hard to present that argument to someone who may still view it as a "moral" issue.

Because I have so many wonderful, supportive people in my life, I have not had to deal too much with the kind of rancor that invariably arises when the topic of addiction comes up. If anything, I have had people pretty much stop associating with me because of the very fact that I DON'T drink anymore.

I get it, though. I get this person's hostility, even as I internalize it and take it way too personally. I understand that when we are active, and in the throes of our addiction, we wreak havoc. We break things, appointments, promises, vows. We embarrass ourselves and those around us. We're a huge inconvenience at best. We hurt people.

But I know the other side, too. I know what it's like to look in the bathroom mirror and not recognize the person looking back. I know what it's like to realize, in some deeply-buried part of your psyche, that what you're doing is stupid and harmful, but you just cannot fathom any other way to deal with things. Why do "normal" people drink? To relax. To have fun. To take the edge off a rough day, or a rough week. We do that, too...we just CAN'T STOP once we've started. It's as simple as that, and it's also just as complicated.

I could go back to this person's blog and attempt to explain myself, but I won't. She is, after all, entitled to her opinion about me, about my friends, about the people who've walked in these shoes before me and are willing to teach me how to keep walking, a day at a time. My dad always taught my siblings and me to "consider the source." And this is someone who, I gather, has had to deal with addicted people in her life. She is angry, and I totally get that. All I can do is try to be a positive influence and set the best example that I can.

lisamcc at 8:05 a.m.

3 comments so far
vikkitikkitavi
2008-04-18 11:44:15
Alcoholism runs in my family. My mother is a "functioning" alcoholic, although she has never admitted it. I can remember many many times, as a kid, when I wanted to curl up and die of shame because my mother was either stinking drunk at some public or family function, or because she would play these absurd emotional games with us kids when she was toasted. After many adult years of staying away, I finally figured out how to forgive my mother, but I must admit that even now there are times when I have an extremely visceral reaction to a drunk. When I'm around someone who is falling down sloppy drunk, even if it's a good friend, even if it's someone who has never been that drunk before, I find myself practically boiling over with revulsion for them. I want to punch them in the face. I want to spit on them. What I do is, I walk away. And I think about why I still carry so much anger buried down inside me. And I feel guilty for feeling hatred toward my friend. Also, I know that since I do drink myself, and although it is never my intention to get drunk, it has happened from time to time, and I think that I a big fat hypocrite.
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vikkitikkitavi
2008-04-18 19:41:55
Sorry, Lisa. I killed comments.
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Lynette
2008-05-19 00:32:58
I'd venture to say that woman's venom wasn't at all about YOU. Sounds like she's been shat upon by someone she sees as addicted to something and has lumped all addicts (at all stages) in one giant barrel of poo. Sounds more like SHE needs the work, lamp chop. YOU, however, ROCK.
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