2008-04-06

Scent of a Blogger...

My brother responded to my entry about "Evil Dead II" and the singular awesomeness that is Bruce Campbell; he reminded me about Bruce's commercial for Old Spice and how it's making this ubiquitous aftershave "cool" again. If you haven't seen this commercial, here it is in all its thunderously suave-as-hell glory:

I thought: "Wait -- when was Old Spice NOT cool?" Old Spice doesn't NEED to be cool. Old Spice just IS. My dad wears it, and chances are, YOUR dad wears it, too, unless he's some kind of fruit.

When I was in high school, my dad somehow managed to find himself the recipient of a bottle of Drakkar Noir, which was the cologne of choice for the guys in my school who shopped at Chess King and wore pegged jeans. I don't remember HOW, exactly, this bottle of Drakkar Noir found its way into the downstairs bathroom medicine cabinet (where it remained for almost 20 years, right up until my parents sold the place and moved to Florida). It might have been given to him by a well-meaning coworker or cousin. What I do remember is that my dad never wore it. He referred to it as "that Daiquiri crap" and claimed that it smelled like "week-old urine."

He's right. It did, and it does.

In recent years, I have become something of a scent-a-holic. I think I reached a point where I decided that I was too old to be relying on the whole "Bath & Body Works" scent-layering system (shower gel, lotion, body mist) which only made one smell like a bowl of fruit salad that's been left out all day. So I started seriously shopping around for perfume. GOOD perfume, you know, and not "Babe" or "Chantilly" or whatever else you get at the drugstore along with your toe separators and Chapstick.

It's taken some doing, but I've arrived at a few good, not-cloying fragrances that I know will always do the trick. Here's what I've learned:

"CELEBRITY" FRAGRANCES: Boo. Just say no. You can blame Liz Taylor for the glut of Famous People Perfumes that have permeated the market for years now. If you really want to smell like Britney Spears, dab some Malibu coconut rum and Cheeto dust on your pulse points, and save your money. Mix your own "Paris Hilton" perfume by combining one part topical yeast infection treatment with two parts desperation, and add a dash of dollar store "strawberry" shampoo. That's hot!

(Actually, I'm ashamed to admit this, but I really like J.Lo's "Glow." I'm a terrible person, I know.)

The thing is, though, do you think ANY of these celebrities actually wear their own fragrances? I'm betting no. I'm betting they wear Clinique's "Happy" or (if they fancy themselves "down to earth" like that dirty hippie Kate Hudson): patchouli. Although - no - you know what? I bet Mariah Carey actually wears her own fragrance. She probably makes her dogs and her bodyguards wear it, too.

STUFF THAT SMELLS LIKE FOOD: This goes back to the whole Bath & Body Works thing for me. Isn't kind of creepy to go around smelling like cake frosting, or cookie batter, or a steakbomb? OK, I made that last one up, but it's not that far-fetched if you think about it.

I do have an exception here, and that's L'Occitane's The Vert a la Menthe, which is basically "green tea and mint," and while it's also got notes of caramel and vanilla, you don't go around smelling like something from Starbucks. It's actually a very nice, very fresh scent, and very good for the summer.

THE SMELL OF THE BOTTLE IS NOT HOW IT'S GOING TO SMELL ON YOU: without getting into the complicated matter of pheromones and what-have-you, just know this: the "top note" of a perfume dies away. And it dies away in a matter of minutes. To get a real sense of what something's going to smell like, you need to rely on what's called the "dry down" period, which is when the perfume has evaporated and been absorbed, leaving (for about an hour or so) the middle note, and ultimately the base note. I learned this particular lesson the hard way when I bought a bottle of Lancome's "Hypnose," which smelled lovely on me for about 30 minutes, but ended up really sickly sweet and musky, which on me was just way too heavy.

The one perfume I've found which remains true, almost all day, is Benefit's "Maybe Baby," which I was wearing pretty much constantly until I decided to rotate it out for a little bit.

The same, I've found, applies to "Fracas," which is also in constant rotation on my dresser. People either really love or totally hate "Fracas." I had one friend describe it as smelling like "an old lady's bathroom." But that's the way it is with florals now. Everyone wants to smell like cake (Vera Wang's "Princess"), or like they just got out of the shower (the aforementioned "Glow"). Anything else makes you smell like an old lady. Pffft.

I guess what it comes down to is: spend the money and buy something decent. Cheap perfume is just going to wind up smelling like nail polish remover on you by the end of the day.

And for you gents: there's nothing wrong with Old Spice. Why? Because Bruce Campbell says so.

lisamcc at 1:00 p.m.



5 comments so far
mumma
2008-04-06 22:52:47
Bless me, Lisa, for I have sinned...damned if I can remember my last confession...sometime in the 80's...but I'm the one who bought the Dakkar...thought it was "different" and a bit exotic...actually, I'd had it with Old Spice...you kids used to buy it for your Dad every Christmas and Father's Day...just like Connie, Mike, Kelly and I used to get it for you Grandfather...Gawd, I was sick of it. But, I guess it's back to being cool again...I also enjoyed seeing that commercial...laughed out loud. Guess I'll pick up another bottle on my next safari to WalMart. Love ya'...
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Some Assembly Required
2008-04-07 09:58:38
Steakbomb should probably be a guys' fragrance, don't you think?
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LisaMcC
2008-04-07 10:04:43
Mumma - I suppose the smell of week-old urine (Daddy's words, not mine) could be considered "exotic," depending on the origins of said urine.

Dean - Steakbomb is unisex, definitely. Like CK One.
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vikkitikkitavi
2008-04-07 17:37:34
Somehow I find it really satisfying that Mariah Carey's perfume bottle is as tacky as she is.
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Lynette
2008-04-14 22:17:16
I like to wear men's fragrances. They don't make me smell like a weak little tart that can't open her own door. I wore Old Spice and English Leather in high school. I'm such a dork.
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