2008-03-04

Office Inhabitantz

A couple of weeks ago, when I found myself meeting up with old friends -- some of whom I hadn't seen since I graduated high school (a bittersweet reunion as a result of some very sad circumstances) -- I made it a point to mention how "blessed" I was to work where I work. And I truly do mean that. I have been at this grand old place since 1993, and I'm fairly serious when I refer to myself as a "lifer." Because unless I write something that's going to make me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, I could do a lot worse than work in a fabulous old haunted theater, taking in loads and loads of plays and really seeing where my work goes.

At the same time though, it's an office, and as such has its Office Inhabitants. A couple of years ago, on this very site, I complained about our Bathroom Talker:

Dear Coworker:
I'm ON THE CAN. I am TAKING A LEAK. Please do not take this opportunity to engage me in a discussion of the holidays -- how I spent mine, where I went, and what I received. If I sound curt, it's because I DON'T MAKE SMALL TALK WHILE I'M TRYING TO PEE. Your glib attempt at humor, coupled with your use of the big word you clearly gleaned from your Word-A-Day� desk calendar ("Sorry! I didn't realize your bathroom time was SACROSANCT.") -- not to mention the fact that you seem to think it's perfectly okay to chat me up while I've got my frigging pants around my ankles -- makes me long for a "work at home" job stuffing envelopes. Seriously. What is WRONG with you?
-Lisa

I've been told, by friends and acquaintances, that I am perhaps overreacting here. That I really don't need to feel uncomfortable by the threat of a stall-to-stall tete-a-tete. I disagree. We have a breakroom for a reason.

Which leads me to another Inhabitant, and that's the Lunch Commentator. You know what I'm talking about. You're in the breakroom, preparing whatever it is you're about to consume, when in comes the Lunch Commentator: "Cup of Soup, eh?" Or what have you. "Lean Cuisine, huh?" My boss and I also refer to this behavior as "Stating the Obvious Day." Didn't you get the memo? It's STATING THE OBVIOUS DAY! Hey -- LEFTOVER PIZZA!

One Inhabitant we don't seem to have is the Passive Aggressive Note Leaver, although my friend Michael once tore out a picture of Star Jones Reynolds from a gossip magazine, gave her a word bubble which read "The breakroom fridge is so gross I HAD to lose weight!" and affixed it to the biohazard which was the refrigerator at the time. And people would come in, read it, chuckle, and then deposit their UNO's leftovers inside, where they'd sit for the next 4 weeks. So, yeah, we've got your Refrigerator Contaminators, too.

lisamcc at 8:11 p.m.



2 comments so far
Lynette
2008-03-05 12:03:13
Working from home saves me from those. However, the one that still haunts me over conference calls is "Marty Martyr". Back in my early days of being a wise ass youngster, I used to hand out the Marty Martyr award. I'd stick it on the outside of the cube from whence the most vocal whining came. It said something to the effect of "The occupant of this cubicle has life much harder than anyone else on the planet" and other crap like that. Most people didn't know the award had been given to them until it had been there a few days. It only shut up a few of the smarter whiners.
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LisaMcC
2008-03-05 12:11:52
Ha -- we have a variation on that here. "Person Who Makes Series Of Puzzled, Whiny Noises Until Someone Asks What The Trouble Is." Said trouble usually involves Excel.
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