2007-12-31

2007 summed up thusly.

It being New Year's Eve and all, I was going to make a list of all the bests/worsts of the year, but decided against this for a couple of reasons. One is that my pal Aaron did it much better (he's dead fucking correct about that Winehouse album), and the second is that, well, you can all go back and relive the bests/worsts of MY 2007 right here, for the most part. Mostly it was a big pile of SUCK, punctuated by moments of unbelievable beauty and redemption. Which is probably a better year than, say, that of Britney Spears.

I think 2007 can best be summed up by this horrible, HORRIBLE picture of Sting sucking on Trudie Styler's toes:

The Greeks had a word for this: EW.

My perpetual, indefatigable disdain for Sting notwithstanding, there are just some activities that I cannot imagine myself engaging in, unless I was radically and irreversibly chemically altered. Shopping at WALMART. Voting Republican. "Leaf Peeping." And last but by no means least -- letting Sting, or ANYONE ELSE for that matter, suck on my toes.

I mean, bully for ol' Gordon and Trudie there, keeping the home fires burning and wanting to do gross things with each other's appendages after all these years.

But...it's just...ICK.

Happy New Year, chickens.

lisamcc at 10:20 a.m.

4 comments so far
vikkitikkitavi
2008-01-02 19:13:30
And all this time I thought I was missing something with the whole tantric sex thing. Turns out not.
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LisaMcC
2008-01-02 19:30:36
No, what you're NOT missing out on is tantric sex with STING. I couldn't even manage missionary-with-the-lights-off with Mr. Sumner.

I don't think he'd want the lights off, ever, because he needs the lighting to emphasize his magnificent bone structure.

Dude probably hasn't made humpy with the lights off since the "Every Breath You Take" video.
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vikkitikkitavi
2008-01-02 19:52:17
Do you remember the "Fortress Around Your Heart" video where Sting dramatically throws his arm up into the air before bringing it down to strum some dramatic chord or another? (Such a "look at me, I'm a douchebag" gesture.) Anyways, my friends at the restaurant where I worked (where MTV was frequently on the telly) used to imitate it and incorporate it into our work for each other's amusement. Thus, getting a coffee cup down from the shelf required first throwing one's arm dramatically over one's head. Preparing to write down a customer's order frequently required the same gesture. It was one of those stupid things waiters do to pass the time and crack each other up, and it was all made possible by the immense vanity of Der Stinger, which I understand is so powerful and so dense that light and matter cannot escape it.
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LisaMcC
2008-01-04 14:02:53
Bwah ha HA! Actually, "Fortress..." just about the only non-Police Sting song that doesn't make me want to vomit. But you're right about that video. The only one that's worse is "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You," where he throws around a giant sword like it's Excalibur.

Or, rather, like it's his ponderous, immense yogurt cannon.
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