2007-12-21

Big Mouth Strikes Again

I really need an entourage. I need a coterie of handlers whose job it is to keep my gaping, inappropriate maw shut. Because honest to God, I am getting worse and worse, and one of these days I'm going to get my ass kicked for some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth. To wit - just today:

ME (upon overhearing a streaming radio station from somewhere near my cube): All right. Who the HELL is listening to the CARPENTERS right now?
GAY COWORKER: Sorry. That would be me.
ME: Oh. Well, it's okay then, because I know how you 'mos love Karen Carpenter.
GAY COWORKER: It's true.

ME (to another coworker, while discussing our holiday plans): I have to go to Lynnfield on the 23rd, Whitman on the 24th, and then Exeter on Christmas Day. Don't get me wrong -- I love my family, it's just that I never get to stay put on Christmas anymore. I think it's because I live in the city and don't have kids.
COWORKER: You need to have a kid, then. Or at least a dog.
ME: Yeah, a dog....only, hmm, a dog wouldn't be enough of an excuse to stay home. I would have to have a REALLY OLD dog.
COWORKER: Yeah.
ME: An old, blind, three-legged, INCONTINENT dog. With a colostomy bag. That might work.
COWORKER: ...
ME: But then probably they'd be all like, "Bring the dog! It can stay in the basement!"

I'm totally getting disowned now.

lisamcc at 3:33 p.m.



4 comments so far
Tina
2007-12-21 16:06:59
I have three kids and I have to go to Whitman on Christmas Eve and then the in-laws on Christmas day. Kids don't give you a 'get out of jail free' pass, I'm afraid. The last time I didn't have to go anywhere on Christmas day was when I was in the hospital. If I had to choose, I would pick going elsewhere.
-------------------------------

Tina
2007-12-21 16:09:34
I should probably also say that if we were to stay home on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with said 3 children, one of us would probably not make it out alive. Having different places to go and things to do helps to keep the variety going. Kids become very bored easy, you see.
-------------------------------

LisaMcC
2007-12-21 16:20:28
Oh, I know. I know. I just liked coming up with a billion different things that were wrong with my imaginary dog.
-------------------------------

ska-t
2007-12-21 20:49:42
you know what's worse than Karen Carpenter? i do a radio show at UVa, and the guy before me played JIM NABORS singing "Do You Hear What I Hear?" honestly. my comment? Rock Hudson, probably!
-------------------------------

previous | next