2007-11-27
My IKEA Adventure
To whom do I send my torn-up Self-Righteous Indignant Pricks of America membership card? Because I feel like I HAVE to both tear it up, and send it back, after what I did this past Friday.
Because I broke two personal rules of mine. One, I purchased something on the day after Thanksgiving. Two, I made my purchase at a megastore. IKEA, to be exact. My reasons for having these particular rules are both complicated and fairly simple, both ethical and purely solipsistic. Walmart is absolutely abhorrent to me -- it's a goddamn fucking nightmare of surfeit, and that's just a REGULAR Walmart. I won't even go into the rampant, sprawling stupidity that is a Walmart "Supercenter."
Go with haste into the mountains. Remember that the earth does not belong to us, but that we belong to the earth. But "develop" the fuck out of it if you must, since people cannot be expected to survive without a Walmart Supercenter. Manifest destiny!
I also cannot stand to be in these places because they deeply freak me out. It's too much -- the giant bin of soccer balls right next to the towering display of 64oz bottles of ketchup. It makes no sense, there's no logical connection, and my little pea-brain just shuts down. And there's also that slight problem I have in that I really don't like people very much, and places like Walmart tend to attract them in droves.
And so it was with a feeling of dread, mixed with the knowledge that I was being a TOTAL FUCKING HYPOCRITE, that I went to the IKEA in Stoughton last Friday. It's massive, it promises better living through cheap home decor, and it's full of PEOPLE.
Yet -- puzzlingly -- I was not at all bothered by it. As a matter of fact, I could've stayed there all day. Those Swedes: they know what's up. Everything's organized, everyone's happy as hell to be there, and all the furniture has amusing, vaguely-obscene-sounding names. Take home this stunning Koontlik ottoman! Perhaps you are partial to the Cokksuche shelving units, yes?
And then, once you've made your selections, sit down to a nice big plate of Swedish meatballs.
Come for the meatballs, stay for the obscenely-named particle board furniture!
The whole "philosophy" of IKEA is that of self-reliance. You are reminded to bus your own table, because by doing so, you are keeping prices low for EVERYBODY, likewise getting your own Koontlik from the warehouse downstairs and assembling your own Assgraeber in the privacy of your home.
For under $250, one can have a pretty decent POANG armchair, a lingonberry-colored area rug, and several assemble-it-yourself DVD cases.
I'd go back there. Hell, I'm going to have to, since all this crap is going to fall apart in a year, anyhow.
lisamcc at 8:20 a.m.
11 comments so far
lj lindhurst
2007-11-27 10:41:38
those meatballs look disgusting! and btw, I have a few Ikea bookshelves, and they are just fine. it's not as crappy as you suspect...
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Spooney
2007-11-27 15:47:46
I bought my Glurg CD rack years ago & it's still holding up.
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LisaMcC
2007-11-27 15:55:00
For a split second, I thought it was really called "Glurg."
But do you see? You can make up something completely bizarre and it will sound like a bona fide IKEA product.
I should make up a test: "Real or Fake IKEA name?"
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Spooney
2007-11-27 16:23:24
The names remind me of the surnames used for teachers in the Adventures of Pete & Pete, like shop teacher Mr. Slurm.
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Jess
2007-11-27 17:32:01
I love my IKEA furniture. I've had one bookcase for around 7 years and it's fine. Other stuff I've had for 3 years and it's still fine. My house is pretty much decorated with IKEA crap.
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vikkitikkitavi
2007-11-27 18:01:26
I drag Spooney to IKEA fairly regularly. To keep him distracted from the fact that he's accompanying me to IKEA, I like to fool him with fake names, like "Sweetie, do you see where they're keeping the Flunig stemware?"
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mumma
2007-11-27 19:03:20
Like the rug...LOVE that chair!! Love ya'...see you soon...and your Swedish is improving.
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Bill
2007-11-27 22:06:05
Love the DVD shelving, but the meatballs...ehhh yeah. Have fun with those. My most recent move this past September cost me dearly in furniture. Everything seemed to fall apart the moment it was unloaded from the moving truck, and what did survive picked up all kinds of disturbing, unremovable stains from the truck itself. I'm looking to supplant my "barely hidden cardboard storage boxes" decor with something a bit less depressing. I guess IKEA is in my future, as buying used furniture around here is no longer what I would consider a safe option in light of the bedbug problem in the area.
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Jessica
2007-11-28 02:32:01
I'm with you about the not really liking people thing...and with Walmart, there seems to be a large number of those particularly obnoxious people, with all their screaming children that are harder to deal with then your average human being.
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Anele
2007-11-28 09:21:19
Awww, IKEA... you can find the best shit there! I love the arm chair! Hey, I like the meatballs. Dunno what some people have against it. Would totally eat it!
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Stephen
2007-11-28 17:34:04
It's the umlauts. Same way with heavy metal music. Slap a few รถ's in there, and you're good to go.
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Stumble It!
