2007-11-18

Thanks, Mr. Higgins.

My high school drama teacher, John Higgins, is retiring this year. I was struck this evening by the realization that with him goes the last real tie to my hometown. There's no real reason to go there anymore. We pass through it on the way to my sister's house, and that's about it. Even while I was living there, I never felt especially connected to the place, although certainly I WAS, in retrospect...of course I was. I went to school there, formed what would be the foundation of my twisted little psyche, made friends and "frenemies," and had my heart broken one or two times. I rode my crappy vintage 3-speed bicycle to my job at the bakery, received at least 3 of the 7 sacraments, and got busted for drinking in the woods.

Mostly, though, I hung out in the high school auditorium. No matter how awkward and conspicuously "out of it" I was most of the time, no matter what was happening at home or who made fun of my clothes, for a few hours every day I was totally comfortable, and totally accepted. It was in the Drama Club that I'd meet people with whom I'd become life-long friends, and where I got some glimmer of understanding that it was OK if I wasn't pretty or popular.

It sounds so trite, but this is the truth. At least, it's MY truth, and it's what I had, and still have, to work with.

Almost 20 years have passed since I graduated, but I remember most of my afternoons spent in various play rehearsals down to the creases in the rented scripts we could only mark up in pencil. I remember sitting in the back of the auditorium with my friends Michael and Jon, making up completely inappropriate lyrics and shrieking with laughter.


Me and Michael, "West Side Story" - 1986

And I realize now, although it didn't occur to me at the time, how utterly devoted Hig was to us. He had a family of his own, but in his way he was taking care of all of us, too, seeing to it that we had that respite. He spent hours with us after school, took us to New York City every year, and gave us advice.

In my senior year, Hig took me aside and said, "If you ever find that you enjoy something MORE than acting, you should do that." I recall that I was deeply offended by this, heading off as I was to become a theatre major in a few short months. I felt that he was telling me I wasn't talented.

It was only years later that I got the gist of his message. By then, I'd been working in theatre administration, and I saw what the life of an actor is really about, and I realized that I just didn't have that DRIVE. Because for every recognizable actor on the big or small screen, there are countless more who forgo any semblance of a regular routine, who move from city to city and basically live out of a suitcase 10 months a year. Also, by then, I'd realized that all I really wanted to do was write stuff. I never did tell Hig that he was right.

Tonight, Michael, Jon and I found our way back to Hingham High, to see the last performance of Hig's final musical, Urinetown. A lot has changed at the school. It's virtually unrecognizable from what I remember. But some things don't ever change. There was still a gaggle of those particularly odd ducks manning the followspots. "Drama Moms" were selling raffle tickets and cookies at intermission. And as I watched the show I figured that the backstage antics hadn't much changed, either. The classroom directly behind the stage was probably still a veritable minefield of backpacks and coats and makeup sponges and half-eaten bags of SmartFood. Some girl in the chorus has a terrible crush on one of the leads, and tonight her heart is going to break when she sees him playing tonsil hockey with one of the dancers at the cast party. Sigh. You're never really that far removed from it all.


Me, Hig, Michael, and Jon. November, 2007.

lisamcc at 12:27 a.m.



2 comments so far
mumma
2007-11-18 18:45:59
Wow! What a wonderful entry, Lees. And I was one of those "drama moms" and I would trade one minute of it. Higgie looks pretty good after all those years. I know that you and Mike and Jon had a great time...nothin' like a little nostalgia. Love ya'...
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Lynette
2007-11-19 00:10:14
Nice post. I knew that last pic was jazz hands even before I scrolled enough to see the tag. You freakin' ROCK.
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