2007-10-14
I Went To Spooky World And It Was Okay.
One of these days, I'm going to learn to have NO expectations. In fits and starts, I'm getting there. Oh, but what a painful lesson it is sometimes.
I long ago stopped expecting major holidays to deliver the goods. New Year's Eve? I'm now usually in bed well before the ball drops. Happily. I do not consider it a grave personal failing on my part to avoid engaging in spurious bouts of forced frivolity when I know, from personal experience, that merely interacting with most people gives me hives. It really does. You just can't see them.
But now and then, I forget all of this. Something catches my attention and I'm catapulted into a fantasy world of my own making in which I am not entirely socially retarded, in which I am -- in point of fact -- a humanitarian par excellence, able to connect with, and see the good in, ALL mankind. More to the point, I believe -- reason and logic and personal history be damned -- that this something will be a good time.
I went to Spooky World last night.
A brief history -- Spooky World started in 1991, in Berlin, MA. It later moved to Foxborough, and for the last couple of years has been housed at the Bayside Exposition Center, which is terrifying enough, really. In its heyday, it really seemed to be something quite fun, indeed.
I had, for years, wanted to go to Spooky World. I had begged and pleaded with various boyfriends to take me, to no avail: too far away, not my thing, how old are you -- 12? Eventually I came to a sort of grim acceptance that I'd never get there.
Until this year.
I was suddenly seized with a mad determination to go. It wasn't far to travel, the houseboy seemed game, and I wanted accomplices. So I went to my gay boyfriend, John Michael, and cooed: "SPOO-ky World's in town, you know..."
"Mm hmm."
"I think it would be FUH-HUN..."
John Michael folded up his newspaper, and looked at me with profound pity. "Honey, I SO do not want to go to Spooky World."
"Why NOT?!" I whined.
"Have I ever explained to you about SLICK and SHIT activities?"
"..."
"Okay, there are two kinds of activities that I have learned to avoid. SLICK, meaning 'Straight Low InCome w/Kids.' SHIT, meaning 'Straight High Income but Tacky.' Spooky World, my darling, is one of those rare birds that fit squarely into BOTH categories."
"Wow. WOW. You are SUCH a SNOB, John Michael."
"I'm just realistic. I know my limits, and I know YOUR limits, too."
Utterly deflated, I wandered back to my cubicle. Deflated, because I knew he was totally right. My limits are such that I routinely avoid resort casinos, WALMART, and "arts festivals." Likewise all-day concert events, the Newport Mansions, and Chuck E. Cheese. Because let's face it -- I hate everyone, pretty much.
But damn it, this was different. This was Spooky World. And Linda Blair was gonna be there.
"Mish," I hollered.
"What."
"I wanna go to Spooky World."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I do. And so do you, Mish. You want to go to Spooky World, too."
"Um, okay."
Triumphant, I went back into John Michael's office. "Fuck you, John Michael. I don't NEED you. Mish is going to Spooky World with me."
He smiled indulgently. "You have fun, Pookie."
"I WILL."
Saturday night could not come quickly enough. When at last it did, I tarted myself up in a vaguely SPOOKY way, stuck my camera and my DVD of "The Exorcist" in my bag, and prepared for a night of good, clean SPOOKY fun.
Spooky World is all-inclusive, but likes to hold special nights for particular groups of people. As such, there is a "College Night," a "Military Night," and even a "Goth Night." We apparently picked "Middle School Night." The cavernous exposition hall rang with peals of shrieking from adolescent girls. We were stuck in line behind a gaggle of them, all of whom were furiously texting each other: "OMG is she rly that scared? LOL."
This was not boding well.
I wish I had gone to Spooky World when it was held outside, and had more of a surreal carnival aspect to it. I have nothing to compare it to, but I can't help but feel that it loses something by being held in a massive exposition center more suited to trade shows and truck rallies. It was dark and cavernous and succeeded in making one feel suspended in a sort of big, concrete vacuum. There were attractions scattered throughout, as well as vendor booths and the odd fairway game.
Inexplicably, there was a tent of sorts erected near a bank of video games. Inside were flashing lights and booming speakers, and a couple of people halfheartedly shuffling around. I was so taken with the randomness of this attraction, that I took a picture, which I had to make considerable adjustments to in Photoshop. As I did so this morning, fucking around with the brightness and contrast, I saw that my digital camera was able to capture a whole buncha ORBS. ORBS!
Camera that's been in the bottom of my bag, or GHOSTS? I leave it to you to decide.
There are a number of "haunted attractions" at Spooky World. Haunt design is something that's always fascinated me. From the folks that do this for a living, to that one neighbor who goes all out at Halloween, I have nothing but respect for the people who take the time and effort to build a scarier mousetrap, so to speak. And Spooky World has more than its fair share of those dedicated to the craft. You have to have a fair amount of talent to scare the piss out of people. As with comedy, a sense of timing is key. But "reading" people is equally important. I remember hearing about the cast of the late lamented Castle Dracula in Wildwood, NJ. As each group of riders would come in, the cast member to greet them first would get a feel for the room, spot that one person who'd scream like a little bitch, and then -- as the group moved along -- would travel quickly through the hidden corridors, passing the info along to the rest of the company ("Big guy, Budweiser cap, totally chickenshit.").
I got the feeling that the people who are BEST at their jobs in Spooky World get to work in "The Experiment." Seriously good, scary stuff. "Jeckyl's Mansion" was fun, too. Assuming one has to work his or her way up the fright food chain, the starting point must be "Dracula's Dungeon." Design-wise, it's not much different from the other attractions, but it was staffed with a lot of young ladies in torn lace gowns, who'd kind of listlessly push themselves at you while purring, "The Mastahhhh is going to GET yoooooou." Sort of like having an undead Stevie Nicks appear out of nowhere and offer to blow coke up your ass.
And then there was the whole Linda Blair thing. About two hours in, I was pretty much done with Spooky World. I felt old and conspicuously out-of-it, and I sensed that Mish and the houseboy were at the saturation point as well. But they both gamely offered to stick around and wait in line with me if I really wanted to meet Linda Blair. I was, truly, torn. You're talking to a girl who has "Tubular Bells" as her ringtone. The line wasn't HUGE, but it was just long enough, and I knew that a good number of the people in the line were the kind of people who wouldn't settle for just a handshake. All kinds of creepy, borderline-stalkerish exchanges would be going on.
FANGUY: "...and, I HAPPEN TO KNOW that the brand of pea soup used on the set was HEINZ. Heh heh."
LINDA BLAIR: "Mmhmm."
I settled on snapping a couple of pictures from the sidelines instead.
So in fairness -- I didn't HATE Spooky World. I'd love to see it go back outside, or at least somewhere a tad more intimate. I don't think that the Bayside is a suitable home for this type of thing, and it seems as though the producers don't quite know what to do with the space, either.
I'll say that it was underwhelming and leave it at that.
lisamcc at 3:42 p.m.
6 comments so far
Tina
2007-10-14 21:12:30
Dude, I can't believe you didn't wait in line to meet Linda Blair. Soft cock.
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LisaMcC
2007-10-15 08:34:18
Believe it, sister. You of all people should know how well I deal with being stuck in a queue of creepy people.
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vikkitikkitavi
2007-10-15 11:30:36
Linda Blair goes to the same vet I do! Her picture is up in the lobby - she is a well-known animal charity booster, so she has a special head shot of her with her pets. I stare at it every time I go there because it's right above the desk. Last time I was there, she came in with a litter of puppies she was fostering! Awww. Linda Blair...and puppies!
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Kristin
2007-10-20 08:24:16
I routinely avoid resort casinos, WALMART, and "arts festivals." I am not alone! Yay! Somehow the thought of vampires and gouls with Masshole accents is kind of funny.
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Jess
2007-11-08 14:37:15
OK, a little late... but better than never! I went to Spooky World WAY in the beginning. Maybe the first one. It sucked ASS! I STILL talk about how much it sucked! It was really lame. Trust me, you didn't miss anything. "Universal Studios Haunted Halloween Nights", however, was AWESOME!! AWESOME!!! (provided you shelled out the HUGE amount of money for a "Front of the line pass". Um, which I did. And it was very much worth it). Anyway, we got to walk right up to the "Psycho" house and through a "Jason" campground (while being chased by Jason, mind you). All where they were originally filmed. It was one of the greatest nights EVER! I highly recommend your taking a trip out here next Halloween.
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Mr.Scary
2008-10-20 07:00:20
old post I know but I read through. than k you for the compliments on spooky world. we do outr best with what we have. Spooky World is now Located At Canobie Lake Park. SO if you want to check us out thats where we are now :)
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