2007-09-21

A Warning.

The only time I don't mind seeing seasonal items months in advance of the actual holiday is around now, when the Halloween stuff starts hitting the shelves. I am a huge fan, even though I'm fully aware of the fact that candy manufacturers and retailers start in with the bags of "fun-sized" candy bars in August precisely because they know that we're going to buy them, thinking that we'll put them "somewhere" -- with the noble idea that we won't wind up running to the CVS at 5 o'clock in the afternoon on the 31st when there's nothing left but Dum-Dums -- and bust the fuck right into them as soon as we get home from the store. Repeat until 10/31.

Here at the theatre I am the Skittle Connection, while over in Artistic they tend to be a little more daring. And so it was the other day when I toddled over there in search of chocolate, only to discover a jar full of Candy Corn Flavored Hershey Kisses.

My initial reaction was: "Um. Ick." But then I figured: give it a shot. Maybe they won't be gross. Maybe they'll be up there with Cadbury Mini Eggs in terms of the Seasonal Candy I Most Eagerly Await. I opened the jar and was immediately flattened by the STINK. You know what they smell like? Yankee Candles. And we all know how I feel about Yankee Candles. Nothing reputedly "edible" has any business smelling like something you burn in the bathroom to cover up the olfactory evidence of a....prolonged visit, let's say. Yes. Do let's.

But I was committed at this point, you know? I like to think of myself as having an adventurous palate. So I yanked the little paper strip, effectively denuding this little foil-wrapped stinkpellet, and took a tentative nibble from the tip.

Holy fucking shit. This was -- seriously? -- the most vile, loathsome thing I've ever had in my mouth (and I know what you're thinking, PK, but you just shut up).

AND I COULDN'T WASH THE STINK OFF MY HANDS. I was walking around the office sniffing my fingertips and screaming in horror. I just don't know if I can trust them over in Artistic anymore.

lisamcc at 5:10 p.m.

2 comments so far
Spooney
2007-09-21 19:03:37
Remember the chocolate covered crickets, during a BRO show? That was you wasn't it? Did anyone finally try one?
-------------------------------

Spooney
2007-09-21 19:05:04
Remember the chocolate covered crickets, during a BRO show? That was you wasn't it? Did anyone finally try one? I find candy corn to be nasty, but I'll eat 'em anyway. I guess it's just part of the season & it brings back some childhood memories.
-------------------------------

previous | next