2007-08-12

My kingdom for a half-slip

I'm a vain, shallow, petty and vindictive creature. I will be the first to admit this. My shrink is fairly certain that this can all be traced to Catholic school, and I think I'm starting to agree with him.

I say this, in part, because I like to look cute. I like my hair to be did and I like to be accessorized JUST SO and I like to smell purty. I believe that my bra should always, ALWAYS match my unders and if it takes me two hours to get ready sometimes, well, that's just how it is.

I have this very cute dress that I bought not long ago. It's a print of shamrocks and bugs and I love it so much and it KILLS ME that I haven't been able to wear it because it's very, VERY sheer and you CANNOT BUY A DAMN HALF-SLIP IN THIS CITY IF YOUR VERY LIFE DEPENDED UPON IT.

Really. Evidently in this age of asscrack jeans and visible thongs it's considered too quaint to want to have a little fucking dignity and not have everyone seein' what only yer gyno needs to be seein'. And I bought this dress thinking that I would be able to obtain an off-white half-slip with no problem. I have loads of vintage slips in black, white, coral, pink....but they're all full, very Maggie the Cat, you know, and since the dress in question is backless, it requires a half-slip, which as I have pointed out earlier, CANNOT BE HAD FOR LOVE NOR MONEY.

I tried Victoria's Secret, and if you want silky britches with little cartoon ice cream sundaes on 'em (undeniably cute, but not what I needed, since I have at least 8 weeks' worth of clean silky britches at any given time), they're your go-to emporium. No half-slips, though; the overly made-up sales associates didn't even know what I was talking about.
"You know...a half-slip. You wear it under a skirt."
"....."
"Like a SLIP, only it's HALF A SLIP."
"Um, we don't carry anything LIKE THAT."

I figured, well okay, I guess what I need to do is hit a good old-fashioned department store. I tried Neiman's, I tried Filene's Basement, I tried Lord & Taylor. You would THINK that one of these places would have a shameful little rack of them shoved way in the corner along with the "support garments." Don't little old ladies shop at these places anymore? Apparently not. They've carefully preserved all of their half-slips in between gossamer, freesia-scented drawer liners. There is no need to go and buy new ones.

So in a bizarre twist, I had to GO ONLINE to purchase a half-slip. Yes.

And this is what I get, I suppose, for being somewhat "retro" in terms of personal appearance. I tend to favor items that were wardrobe staples back when Mamie Eisenhower was a cultural touchstone.

lisamcc at 7:20 p.m.



1 comments so far
lj lindhurst
2007-08-13 11:18:30
I must be super oldschool because I have like 3 half-slips... and yes, I must comment on everything!
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