2007-07-24

Nooooooo!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh, Julia. Oh, honey. Didn't we almost have it all?

They all had it in for Julia. Suckass Bonnie sat there bitching about how Julia won the challenge with her grilled cheese and onion rings -- "Oooo, that would never fly at a FINE RESTAURANT." No, but you were cooking for high school kids, you daft twat. Breaded goat cheese balls are not going to fly with them. Not that there's anything wrong with breaded cheese. Or breaded ANYTHING, for that matter. But you make a decent onion ring and the world WILL beat a path to your door. Oh, yes.

So Julia got to go to Vegas, with horse-faced pastry chef Jen in tow. While they marvelled at the bidet ("It's a booty cleaner!") in their suite, Bonnie, Rock and Josh had to clean the carpets and iron the tablecloths. Josh - he of the boy band facial hair - couldn't figure out how to use the steamcleaner (you PLUG IT IN, Bright Boy). There is a dark, dark cloud over Josh's spiky coiff, indeed.

Dinner service was a HOT MESS. Julia couldn't get the garnishes together, Rock and Jen were sniping at each other like an old married couple, and Josh - the guy you made out with one Hot August Night in Heather's basement and who kissed like a PEZ dispenser - kept fucking up the apps. Gordon, who'd pegged Josh as a barely-upright mental midget from the get-go, completely FLIPPED HIS SHIT. Really. It was almost beautiful.

I was hoping against hope that since Gordon masterfully ejected Josh - King of the Dipshits - in the middle of dinner service, that he wouldn't go through the elimination process that night. But no. Bonnie, who for the first time since the season started managed to not suck, put Rock and Julia up for elimination. It clearly pained Gordon to have to eliminate her. We saw his gooey center, beneath that craggy exterior, last night. He's sending Julia to culinary school on his dime. I love Gordon Ramsay.

At this point, I wouldn't eat at a restaurant headed up by any one of the final three. Rock, who speaks of himself in the third person. Bonnie, who cries at the drop of a spatula. Jen, who fishes spaghetti out of the trash. Weak.

lisamcc at 8:16 a.m.

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