2007-06-03

Savor me like the dessert topping I am...

So, summer is nearly upon us. Time to pack up the sweaters and unbecoming footwear, and bust out the flirty li'l frocks, pedal pushers, and cute sandals. I have already made it a point to give myself a weekly pedicure, and have found a shade of polish that I do believe will take me through the rest of the summer. It's Maybelline's Wet Shine in "Cherry Rain."

Which is fitting, now that I think about it, because I use the "Tango Mango Body Butter" following my shower, during which I give myself a good scrubbing with a liberal dose of C.O. Bigelow's Lemon Cream Body Wash. And then I'll usually spritz myself with Fresh's "Fig Apricot" eau de parfum. By the time I leave the house I'm covered in gnats.

But the best part of it all is on Saturday night, when I use the "Vanilla Smoothie" bikini cream to manage some of those peskier short-n-curlies. Never mind that this stuff smells like no kind of vanilla smoothie I've ever consumed. It's more like rancid-sink-drain-with-slight-hint-of-synthetic-vanilla-smoothie. Certainly nothing I'd want handed to me in a big frosty glass, and yet here I am gobbing it all over my crotch.

Somewhere around the early 90's it started to become de rigeur to smell like a giant tub of fruit salad. I blame Bath & Body Works, with its whole scent-layering system. I mean, if you're going to buy the AppleMelonBerry shower gel, then doesn't it stand to reason that you should ALSO buy the AppleMelonBerry lotion, as well as the AppleMelonBerry body spray? That way you can smell like the fruity tart that you are...ALL FUCKING DAY.

Lately the thing now is to smell like a pan of cookies, or a tray of cupcakes. I admit that I own a tube of lotion that smells EXACTLY like cake frosting. But I only use that in the winter. It's far too heavy for the summer.

"Savory" hasn't really caught on, though. It wouldn't be quite so alluring to smell like, say, a Woodman's clam roll, even though that's arguably THE quintessential smell of summer. Well, that and warm Bud Light. I'd be willing to bet that there are men out there who'd love it if their lady friends dabbed such a fragrance on their pulse points.

lisamcc at 8:04 p.m.

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