2007-04-12

Oh now really. Oh really now.

So are people in general just more stupid now, or is it that a handful of people in a handful of companies would have the rest of us believe that we are too stupid to figure shit out?

I was in the Starbucks� upstairs from my office. Over the last year or so I have come to a sort of....peace....with the coffee-and-lifestyle-slangin' behemoth. Actually, it's closer to the truth that I've come to a sort of peace with this particular Starbucks�. I like the people that work there, it's right upstairs, and it beats the hell out of Dunkin'.

I digress. It is not the fault of the nice baristas in this particular Starbucks� that they work for a company that has the following warning printed on its plastic drinking straws:

I was so incensed by this that even though I had simply ordered my usual tall-house-room-for-milk and I don't like to take products that I don't NEED, I grabbed one of these straws and huffed back downstairs to my office, where I began ranting to no one in particular: "Oh for Jesus fuck's sake, would you LOOK AT THIS?!"

My coworkers are used to my random outbursts and for the most part have learned to tune them out. But I was determined to find an ally in my misplaced rage this morning, thrusting the straw at my friend Michelle until I got her to at least agree that this was most certainly probably fucking stupid.

I can only imagine the meeting that took place at Starbucks� Corporate HQ which led to this bit of egregious moronery:

Starbucks� Suit One: "...so that's the end of the formal agenda. Any new business?"
Starbucks� Suit Two: "Um, yes. And this shouldn't take very long...I know some of you have to go into that branding meeting at 3. Here's the thing: we've had some...reports...from team members in Zone015. Apparently some of our guests have been using the plastic drinking straws in HOT beverages."
Starbucks� Suit One: "Interesting."
Starbucks� Suit Two: "And, well, there are complaints that the straws don't hold up very well in liquids over a certain temperature, and even though we've put warnings on the cups to that effect, to the...ah...effect that the beverages are hot, it seems that we haven't 'crossed our i's' so to speak...."
Starbucks� Suit Three: "...crossed our T's."
Starbucks� Suit Two: "Right....right. Uh, we seem to be missing an opportunity to further protect our guests and I guess I'd like to maybe thinktank on this at some point in the future, you know, if we need to table this for the time being..."
Starbucks� Suit Four: "We could create a straw for the hot beverages. One may already exist. I'll get Cayenne to call our supplier."
Starbucks� Suit Two: "...but irregardless...I mean, whether we have a Hot Beverage Straw or not, there can't be any confusion regarding the present straws."
Starbucks� Suit One: "Absolutely. Absolutely. Let's have Kyle develop some text to that effect, and once it's approved, we can have this printed on the wrapper."

I don't think I exaggerate. I really don't. I even believe that there may be a Cayenne working there.

lisamcc at 8:01 p.m.

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