2005-06-27

OG Listerine.

So I ran out of my preferred "coolfreshalpinemintwhatever" tartar control Listerine, and had to resort to the itty bitty trial bottle of the O.G. Listerine that I had stashed in the cabinet underneath where we keep all the towels and shit.

Understand that the Listerine is a vital part of my evening's dental ablutions. I have to floss, then brush with my dope ass Sonicare Elite, then do a thorough mouth-douching with the Listerine. Always in that order. Every other night I add an anti-cavity dental rinse to this routine, but you get the picture.

(The first year after I quit drinking, I actually stopped using Listerine, because it had alcohol in it and I was wicked paranoid. Fuck that noise now, y'all. It's not like I'm swallowing it, and the alcohol is what is CLEANING MY FETID, END-OF-THE-DAY mouth.)

Okay - my POINT here is that I ran out of the nice blue Listerine and started getting a little panicked, because I HATE it when my routine goes awry. Lo, I remembered the tiny bottle of O.G. Listerine, one of several "parting gifts" that my dad fobbed off on me as I was leaving my parents' house one evening (for those here who DON'T know - my dad is this marketing scion for Pfizer, among other companies, and NO ONE leaves the house without a CRATE of something).

So I broke it out. I NEEDED to use it, and how bad could it actually be?

First of all, chickens -- O.G. Listerine looks like pee, and not just any pee. It looks like pee from the morning after a cheap beer binge. It smells like the fifth circle of HELL. It tastes like the positive end of a double-A battery steeped in goat urine.

In short - the shit is NARSTY. With all the "flavors" Listerine has now, who in three hells of fuck still uses this stuff? WHO?

lisamcc at 9:58 p.m.

8 comments so far
Inkwell
2005-06-28 11:18:34
I was psyched when I saw the empty OG Listerine box in the trash. I had to dig around in the linen closet to find it (I thought you'd hidden it on me!). Bracing! If it tastes that bad, it's gotta be good for you!
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Lisa
2005-06-27 22:16:52
It's OG, yo! It'll fuck you up OG-style!
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Westbye
2005-06-28 06:14:52
Don't hate the OG! Don't hate!
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Westbye
2005-06-28 06:15:12
Don't hate the OG! Don't hate!
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Westbye
2005-06-28 06:16:02
Don't hate the OG, yo! Don't hate!
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Ashby
2005-06-27 22:09:02
OK, what does the OG stand for? Because all I'm thinking is Original Gangsta, and somehow that bottle doesn't look like it came from the 'hood.
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Jocelyn
2005-06-29 02:19:37
That stuff is harsh. It's blue or nothing for me.
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realchild
2005-07-31 19:19:13
So the next time your father gives you a crate of Pfizer stuff, try and get us (the chickens) some Corn Huskers Lotion. Thanks.
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