2002-02-13

Orifice Supplies

Hi. My name is Lisa, and I think I'm sexually stimulated by office supplies. ("Hi, Lisa!")

You'd think that after all the years toiling away under that vast, vague umbrella known as "administrative support," I'd be sufficiently immune to the cunning, baffling and powerful pull of the Office Supply Closet.

No such luck. I find myself going in there, even when my own personal supply of Post-It pads and binder clips is fair to bursting, just to get a whiff of the place. I mean, have you ever really smelled a pencil? It's pretty damn sexy, that pencil smell. In fact, just now, I pulled one of my pencils from the container on my desk and marveled at the fact that it still has that sexy pencil smell after all this time in the relative olfactory neutrality of my office.

(OK. Gotta confess - I specially order my pencils. They're called "Mirado Black Warriors." Oh, my.)

I think I probably visit the supply closet upwards of a half-dozen times a day, under the pretense of needing some small something-or-other: "Damn! Wouldn't you know it....my white-out is all clumpy. Better get a fresh bottle!"

There's gotta be a market for Office Supply Porn.

Dear Penthouse Forum:

I am an attractive youngish Fund Coordinator. I never thought I would be writing to you, but the other day I went into the supply closet, like I do every day, to get a steno pad, and I was overwhelmed with the sheer, pounding, pummeling eroticism of it all. All those reams of copy paper. I buried my face in them. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Cut me slack here. Office supplies are the only vice I have left, besides VH-1.

lisamcc at 10:26 a.m.

previous | next