2002-02-02

A letter to friends

So, yesterday marked a full month with no chemicals inserted into my plumbing other than Alka Seltzer Cough-n-Cold. Yippee for me.

Seriously? I'm doing quite well, and most of my nearest and dearest have noticed. Certainly my band is pleased as punch; my drumming has never been better.

At the very beginning of this little self-propelled journey of mine, my therapist recommended that I "try" to go to an AA meeting, and I did go. I went to a couple, in fact, and while, you know, God bless 'em -- because certainly they've helped scores of people -- it's just not the route for me.

I stopped drinking because I wanted to stop. I just stopped. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. It sounds incredibly simplistic, and I'm sure to some recovery-philes out there it smacks of that nebulous term "denial." Several people, in various "programs," in fact, have more or less told me that I am absolutely going to fail if I don't do it "their way." Thanks for the vote of confidence, you know? It's like, what exactly is your thought process on this? I'm not drinking. Isn't that the point?

Here's what I can tell you about the way I'm going about this: sobriety appeals to my vanity more than anything else, frankly. In the month since I've stopped drinking, I've lost almost ten pounds. Fitting back into my clothes and getting shit done is an incredible motivator, chickens.

Another nice surprise is the realization that I'm not having less fun without a pint of Bass in my hand, which was the thing I was most concerned about at the outset: "Oh, God. I'm never going to have any fun if I don't drink. All of my friends will abandon me and think I'm a miserable shrew." Well, okay, so I'm still a miserable shrew, I'm just a little less miserable and/or shrewish since I'm not perpetually hungover.

Well. I'd sort of made a pact with myself that I wouldn't wax didactic about this, and I don't think I have been, really. I guess this is just sort of the "open letter" tactic, since most of my friends (and a couple of ex-boyfriends, too, judging from my counter) read this. I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable. I'm in the process of going through a series of "firsts" right now, which makes me a little paranoid about how I'm coming across. My first gig without a drink. My first night at Doyle's without a drink. I want to make it abundantly clear to everyone that I am not going to freak out if you drink around me. Your drinking is not a problem. My drinking was a problem, and probably still is. I'm not especially eager to test that theory. Buy me a coke, smack me on the ass and treat me the way you always have. See you on Friday at Paula's show.

lisamcc at 11:58 a.m.

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